Beauty Magazines Make Us Feel Ugly
In a recent study, researchers found that 100% of women felt bad about their appearance after looking at beauty magazines for just a few minutes. From one of the authors: “Surprisingly, we found that weight was not a factor. Viewing these pictures was just bad for everyone,” said Laurie Mintz, associate professor of education, school and counseling psychology in the MU College of Education. “It had been thought that women who are heavier feel worse than a thinner woman after viewing pictures of the thin ideal in the mass media. The study results do not support that theory."
I happened upon this brilliant way of fighting back. This was part of a campaign by the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) in Canada that targeted beauty magazines. From NEDIC's website: "To involve the public in our campaign, this transit shelter ad appeals to dieters and those who feel the pressure to diet (virtually all women), empowering them with a way to really shed their weight problem."
Close-up:
Text at bottom of display:
"Recent studies confirm reading beauty magazines makes us feel fat."
Another study demonstrated "... the role of the media in shaping, rather than merely reflecting, societal perceptions of the female body. Consistent with our hypothesis, it was found that women's body image satisfaction is, indeed, influenced by their exposure to the thin ideal presented in fashion magazines."
(Want more? Here's one of my previous posts on this topic.)
Strike a Pose
June's issue of Vogue Italia (NSFW due to some nudity) offered a refreshing break from the typical images of female perfection plastered over every fashion and beauty magazine. This issue, entitled Belle Vere or "True Beauty," featured "plus-size" models both on the cover and in a photo spread. As is the case in the media, plus-size means average-size in real life. I don't know the statistics in Italy, but the average American woman is 5’4” and weighs 165 pounds. A woman this size would most certainly be plus-size in the modeling world, and it would be quite uncommon for a magazine to have her gracing its cover, at least in the United States.
We don't get to see many images in the media that resemble what most of us look like, unless they're "before" photos. Although the women in this issue of Vogue don't fit the media ideal in terms of body size, they still look beautiful and glamorous, because they had the same model treatment that the typical cover girls get.
Even the women who are typically on the covers of magazines don’t jump out of bed looking as flawless as they seem to be in the photos. Why should we hold ourselves to a higher standard? We’re so used to comparing our real-life mirror images with the media ideal. But it’s not a fair fight. Those images were created with the help of hair stylists, makeup artists, fashion stylists, good lighting, designer backgrounds, professional photographers, and photo retouchers. We can get a similar effect if we use the same tricks they use, regardless of our weight or whether we have personal trainers, chefs, or plastic surgery.
Here’s an experiment: go to a salon and get your hair and makeup done. Dress up in beautiful clothes that fit and flatter (take advantage of supportive undergarments that lift things up and suck things in). Next, get professional headshots taken or ask an amateur photographer friend to snap photos of you. Take hundreds of pictures in lighting that glows and in poses that flatter. Out of the hundreds of photos, choose the few that capture you at your best. Then, have those photos retouched.
This is a chance to see yourself in that same idealized light that you’re used to seeing other women. It's a good reminder that we don’t have to be perfect to be pleased with our reflections -- we can all look flawless given the right tools.
Why the H R they Puff ‘n Stuff?
In a previous post, I discussed how the media create arbitrary flaws in women's bodies, then conveniently offer up solutions to fix those flaws. That post was about ugly armpits. Today's example is about the land down under -- and I don't mean Australia. (I've also written about this flawed area before.) Yesterday, Jezebel posted a clip from the CBS daytime show, "The Doctors," in which they discuss how "Your Aging, Deflated Vagina Is Like A Hamburger." (Well technically, it's your aging, deflated vulva, but let's move on.)
On the show, Dr. Jennifer Berman, expert in the field of female urology and sexual medicine, made her case by explaining how your private parts become less puffy as they succumb to gravity, age, and having babies, and this makes them sag and deflate. She used a hamburger as a pretend vulva. (I guess a taco would've been too tacky.) She held the burger sideways so that the meat patties represented the inner labia minora and the buns were the outer labia majora -- the parts that don't puff enough. (Side note to show producers: On the next show, you could totally add different condiments to the burger in order to discuss a variety of vaginal maladies, e.g., cheese, mayo, ketchup, etc. Just a thought.)
Dr. Berman explained that a procedure called the "Labial Puff" can counteract the sagging and deflating. It entails injecting the outer lips with cosmetic filler, similar to the injections done to the lips on your face. It allegedly helps to revolumize the labia majora -- or in other words -- it puffs your muff.
"Ladies, you're not going to notice it if you're just laying down or sitting down. I actually had to bend over and look under and I swear to God, I almost had a heart attack [insert audience laughter]. And it was subtle, but it was there," she said.
So, let's get this straight. This alleged labial malformation isn't noticeable unless you're bending over and looking under yourself in some sort of mangled yoga pose, right? And not only that, but while you're contorting yourself to search for your most recently discovered fucked up body part, you discover that it's only subtly fucked up? It doesn't hurt or interfere with your sexual function, but it supposedly looks subtly fucked up according to those who have an interest in fixing it. And that alone is a good reason to perform a cosmetic procedure on it? That's what I think is fucked up.
And that, boys and girls, is an example of how the media invent an arbitrary flaw in the female body to create a need, and then serve up a solution to fulfill that need.
The Labial Puff is supposed to make your vulva look more youthful ... some would say even childlike. So here's a question: what about the guys? When boys go through puberty, their testicles drop, and they continue their downward descent as men age. Why don't we hear "The Doctors" make a case for the Sack Lift to make men look more youthful? Like the Labial Puff, it could be just a simple outpatient procedure in which they inject cosmetic fillers to pump up the testicular volume. Then they could do a couple of little snips and stitches to raise them up to a more youthful -- and virile state.
The best part? "The Doctors" could explain the procedure on their show by using a couple of meatballs.
I Take it Personally
It's quite rare for advertising to celebrate women's extra curves. Sure, Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty" uses a variety of women in their ads to show that different bodies can be beautiful. But as I mentioned in a previous post, their parent company, Unilever, contradicts itself with sexist Axe ads geared toward men. Olay's recent slogan was "Love the skin you're in," but their ads still photoshopped all of the pores, age spots, wrinkles, cellulite, and zits out of the skin their models were in.
In 1997, The Body Shop launched an ad campaign with the image below to inspire women to accept their bodies. I remember being excited as the store even handed out stickers with this image. Unfortunately, the ad soon disappeared after Mattel threatened to sue over the unauthorized use of Barbie's likeness. Unlike most companies that sell beauty products, The Body Shop hasn't relied on idealized images of women to sell their face creams, body butters, and lip gloss. They have a history of being a socially responsible company that supports humanitarian and environmental causes. Their ad was a refreshing break from all of the other media messages that pressure women to look perfect.
“It’s the image of the beauty business that’s damaging to women. When you damage, you take away her self-esteem, and self-esteem is not a wishy-washy subject. It is the route to revolution, it is a route to self-knowledge, self-worth, it is a route to political activism, it is a route to say, ‘Stand up and matter!’ and to say, ‘I take this personally.’ That should be the mantra [of every woman] – ‘I take it personally.’ I take what you say about us, I take how you interpret us, I take how you think you can sell to us – I take it personally.” --Anita Roddick (1942-2007), founder of The Body Shop
She is Beauty
Tall, striking
Perfectly thin
Elegant
Ideal.
Sexy, child-size clothing
Barely covers
Breasts
Disproportionate to
Fat-free thighs
And soft, gentle curves
Of ribs, prominently displayed.
Beautiful, thick hair
Glued at the scalp
Frames a flawless face
Etched in fine marble
Expressionless, void
Of unappealing character lines.
Teeth capped in pearls
To hide bile's erosion.
Twenty years old --
Over the hill in five more.
She is who we
Aspire to be.
She is beauty.
No More Wire Hangers!
Introducing Skinny Hangers!
Because you can never be too skinny --
and apparently, neither can your hangers.
Just make sure to avoid this kind,
no matter how skinny they are:
Sara Smile … I Said SMILE, Dammit!
Several men -- all strangers -- have told me to smile over the years. At work, on the street, in a store -- I'd hear variations of: "Why aren't you smiling?", "You should smile; you'd look prettier", or just flat-out "Smile!" I assumed it was some awkward form of flirtation, so I generally managed to force out a weak attempt. But it always made me feel uncomfortable and a bit irritated.
Commanding a strange woman to smile isn't exactly the pinnacle of good manners, so why did I feel compelled to do as I was told? Am I supposed to just grin like a fool on command? Don't I have a right to have a shitty day or simply not to feel like walking around with a Stepford-wife smile perpetually glued onto my face? It always felt kind of absurd and controlling.
I hadn't given it much thought until discovering that other women deal with this crap too. Just google "men telling women to smile" to see how common it is. Contrary to what I'd assumed, this is more than just a lame pick-up line. Why would some random jackass think it's at all acceptable to tell a strange woman to smile for him like a trained chimpanzee? What right does he have to dictate to a stranger how she should behave?
Well, if he believes he's more powerful than she is, then he probably believes that he does have the right. And the woman who smiles on command, however begrudgingly, may unconsciously agree. A recent study has found that those who break conventional rules of politeness were perceived as being more powerful. Examples of "powerful" behavior included: smiling less, interrupting others, overstepping boundaries, and speaking in a loud voice. In the study, those who acted rude, inconsiderate, or overbearing were seen as more able to get people to do what they wanted, more in control, and more competent in making decisions.
What would happen if a woman acted in a similarly condescending way? How many women tell male strangers, "Smile, it can't be that bad"? If they did, would they be seen as powerful, or would they just be seen as domineering bitches? We're socialized to be sweet, polite, and nice little girls who turn into sweet, polite, and nice little ladies. We may have gained a significant amount of power in the last hundred years, but we're still expected to act in pleasing ways and smile on command no matter how powerful we are -- or else we'll face the repercussions. And what are those repercussions? Well, there's a good chance that we'd be called a bitch or a cunt for refusing, because the kind of guy who'd command a woman to smile would be the same kind of guy who'd get defensive if she didn't.
In my previous post about how the media treat female politicians, I mentioned how powerful women often face gender-based attacks, which can be based on appearance (fat, ugly), sexuality (frigid, slut), femininity (butch, ball-breaker), or character (liberal, feminist). Even actions that appear to be compliments -- such as flirtatiously telling a woman to smile -- are attempts to direct how she acts and consequently serve as attempts to undermine her power.
When men tell women to smile on command, it's a boundary violation; it's an act of arrogance and dominance. It's a way to police women's behavior by making it pleasing to men. It's the underlying expectation that women should perform for men and serve their desires.
This sense of entitlement permits men to dictate what women should do with their bodies -- whether it's smile, look sexually available, or give birth whether they want to or not.
If this study's results can be broadly applied, then we associate “power” with being inconsiderate, overbearing, and controlling as a culture. This runs contrary to how women are expected to behave (or even how decent men should behave, for that matter). Either the rest of us are going to have to start acting more obnoxiously ourselves, or we're going to have to start redefining power in less obnoxious ways.
Maybe then I'll feel like smiling.
From the Bibs of Babes
I spotted these bibs at Babies"R"Us while helping my friend choose gifts for her baby shower registry. Interesting how there's no equivalent cool mom bib. Apparently, moms are just supposed to be babes, even from the perspectives of their babies. What's next: My mom's DDs make better milk than your mom's B-cups?
Beauty Is the Pits
Step aside, cankles! There's a new body part to hate!
Raise your hand if you know what it is. Raise your hand if you're sure. Now turn your head toward that raised arm.
That's right, ladies -- your armpits are hideous. They're hairy, they're smelly, and they're ugly. But don't fall into a pit of despair.
Fortunately Unilever, the makers of Dove®, have a solution! Dove's new "Go Sleeveless" deodorant claims to make a woman's armpits more attractive in just five days! Hear that, ladies? In a little bit, your pit can be the shit!
As Stephen Colbert states in this clip from the Colbert Report, "One of the secrets of sales is fulfilling the public's need. The other secret is inventing the public's need."
Incidentally, Unilever is the same company that developed the Dove® "Campaign for Real Beauty" a few years ago that featured "real women" instead of models in its ads as a way to counter sexist media imagery. Unilever also owns the Axe® line of mens' products whose ads feature the same sexist imagery that Dove® is allegedly fighting against. This site shows one of the videos put out by the Dove® campaign, along with a brilliantly re-edited video that juxtaposes it with ads by Axe®.
As Colbert says, "If there's one sure way to financial security, it's inventing women's insecurity."
Gaining Losses
We often measure our success as women in numbers -- judging ourselves in terms of pounds, size, and age. Lower numbers indicate success, while higher equal failure. And as such, we’ve developed a counter-intuitive association between losing and gaining. In our worlds, losing equals success and gaining equals failure.
We focus on losing weight, lowering our sizes, taking years off our faces. But consider for a moment how refreshing it would feel to focus on losing the following instead:
insecurity
anxiety/depression
self-critical voice
hopelessness
judging ourselves from the outside in
And instead of worrying about gaining weight, going up in size, or showing years on our faces, how great would it be if we could gain these?:
confidence passion intuitive knowledge joyfulness/hopefulness experiencing ourselves from the inside out
Our culture has taught us the convoluted notion that losing superficial aspects of ourselves like weight will lead to positive internal states like happiness. But then there always seems to be one more step to take, one more improvement to make, one more product to buy. That carrot is continually dangled farther and farther away, making us feel like failures, and drawing us toward that extra slice of carrot cake for temporary relief. This cycle may be self-defeating to us, but it also helps the beauty and diet industries gain billions of dollars in revenue, while losing nothing.
Maybe it’s time to reexamine what losing and gaining really mean.
Women, Sort Yourselves Out!
Just LOVE this fake commercial from the British television sketch comedy series, That Mitchell and Webb Look, on BBC. Hilarious way to show how the advertising industry markets to women vs. men.
Are You a Sell-Out Sister?
It’s hard to be a woman. So much is expected of us: we need to be the perfect wives/girlfriends, selfless moms/friends/daughters, successful businesswomen -- all while being beautiful and thin. We’d like to think that since other women face similar challenges, that they would support us in ours. We’d like to think that we’d do the same for them. But sadly, this is often not the case. We tend to compete more than collaborate. We pick each other apart with the same critical eyes through which we see ourselves. Deep inside, we think that by knocking her down a few pegs, we might not feel so deficient in comparison. But it never works. In subtle ways, Sell-Out Sisters sabotage the collective power of us all. It’s not just the mean girls who’ll throw a fellow sister under the bus.
- comparing and competing
- judging or insulting ourselves and other women
- accepting the media’s superficial definition of femininity
- minimizing our opinions
- judging another woman’s choice to work or stay at home with kids
- making snide comments about another woman’s looks
- supporting companies who demean women in their advertising
- agreeing with the media that any amount of fat is unacceptable
- buying into the $55 billion-dollar-a-year diet industry
- agreeing that physical imperfection is ugly
- making fat jokes or laughing at them
- gossiping about a woman sleeping around
- going to movies that treat women as primarily sex objects
- accepting sexism and misogyny without questioning
- calling other women sluts, cunts, bitches, or whores
- not speaking up when we’re offended or we disagree
- sabotaging another woman's career advancement
- devaluing our internal qualities
- interfering with other women's reproductive freedom
- trying to silence other women
- embracing the porn star/stripper conception of femininity
- flashing our breasts
- watching shows in which women compete based on looks
- being publicly sexual with other women merely for male attention
- treating ourselves as objects for men’s arousal
- believing that being sexy is the most important quality in women
- idolizing celebrities and models as beauty ideals
- idolizing celebrities and models as actual role models
- seeing beauty ideals as obtainable if only we tried hard enough
- buying tabloids that gossip about which celebrities have packed on the pounds
NOTE: NSFW image below
I had just finished writing this post when I received an email forward from someone close to me. It was a perfect example of a Sell-Out Sister. The woman who sent me this has been morbidly obese for much of her life. Since she was a child, she's been ridiculed and treated poorly due to her weight, and this treatment continued into adulthood. This makes her selling out particularly sad.
Here's the email:
| Subject: FW: Garlic Warning!!!!! Must Read This is terrible !!!!!!!! |
|
OMG...this is really terrible. And I have been touting the benefits of garlic for years!!!
I hope this doesn't happen to anyone I recommended it to.
For years, doctors and scientists have told us that some foods are good for us, only to be told later that they bad for us, and again they tell us that some foods are bad for us, and all the time they've been good for us... and there doesn't seem to be much proof either way to suggest what is good or bad... until now, that is. Garlic is definitely BAD for us if it's true that "You Are What You Eat!" ...scroll down...
You have been Garlic'd. Now you're it!! One rule to this game ... You CANNOT get someone who has already gotten you! So get as many people as you can! (before they get you) I got you first ... You can't get me back! |
Damn – That’s Some Hot Chocolate!
Call me uptight, but I would never have sex with my chocolate or my broom – regardless of what the commercials would have one believe. Each 30-second spot shows women seeking out romantic relationships with these and other inanimate objects.
Women seem to particularly enjoy making out with chocolate. In our image-and-diet-obsessed culture, indulgences like chocolate are forbidden. It's a guilty pleasure that we should have in secret. One must not show off that she engages in such sinful activities lest she be deemed a fat gluttonous pig. Eating chocolate is our dirty little secret, but oh how it pleasures us. We become practically insatiable, but then the shame sets in and we abstain for awhile.
What do you think happens when we're culturally pressured to be chocolate virgins? We turn into chocolate whores, of course.
Seriously, Dove®. Just because I love your chocolate, it doesn’t mean I love your chocolate.
I’m even less likely to love sweeping the floor. This relationship is a little different than the one we have with chocolate though. It doesn't matter that it's 2011 -- in the world of commercials, cleaning is still women's work. When we’re not using Bounty® to cheerfully wipe up the bounty of milk that our 5-year-olds spill all over the kitchen floor, we're being romanced by our cleaning products. According to the tagline, “Swiffer® gives cleaning a whole new meaning.” Apparently, that meaning implies that we like to get dirty with our cleaning products.
(Looks like this woman can’t handle their differences, so she leaves the broom for a Swiffer®. Although the broom bristles at first, he ends up replacing his human female with a rake. Another meaningless relationship left in the dust.)
If women are so hard up for companionship that we’re hooking up with our brooms, then we’re some pretty desperate housewives indeed. Who’d heavy pet her Swiffer® WetJet? Who’d think her Swiffer® Duster could ever pass muster? Who’d aim for no deeper than her Swiffer® Sweeper? Who’s that lady?
In the context of this absurd alternate universe in which human females choose common household products as mates, I suppose I would have to choose the chocolate over the broom. At least chocolate is sweet and rich, caring for my heart with antioxidants and getting me giddy with endorphins. I could just put a piece between my lips, savor it and let the smooth creaminess slowly melt across my tongue and fill my mouth with pleasure until it becomes a part of me. Ahhh ... how romantic.
Can a broom do all that? Hell, not even Swiffer® can.
Stressing Room
Dressing rooms are claustrophobic stalls of despair and self-loathing. They're places where you gasp "Holy shit!" after catching a glimpse of your ass in the fluorescent-lit three-way funhouse mirror. Given that environment, it's amazing that we're ever fortunate enough to find one article of clothing that doesn't make us feel lumpy, dumpy, and frumpy.
Dressing rooms are places where size-2 teenage girls complain to their friends that every pair of jeans makes them look fat. They're places where women yank the dreaded light-washed, high-waisted mom jeans over the child-bearing hips that once gave birth to those teenage girls.
Even those of us who love shopping for clothes don't always love trying them on. When the saleswoman asks me over the latched door, "Do you need a different size?", sometimes the only thing I hear is, "Do you need different thighs?"
Why yes, yes I do, thank you. And while you're checking the racks, can you also see if your store carries any self-confidence? It seems I'm running a little low.
We do have moments of hope in dressing rooms though. We hope that we'll fit into the clothes that hot girls fit into. We hope that black is indeed slimming. We hope that we'll look pretty. Or we just hope that the shapeless sweater will make us disappear into the background.
How many of us have heard a woman in a dressing room evaluate her reflection and then proclaim that she looks damn good? How many of us have uttered these elusive words? Not enough -- and that's a damn shame. What's worse is that we'll often leave those dressing rooms deflated and defeated, hoping that our new leather handbags will distract us from feeling like the cows they were made of. It's depressing how much power we give to a mirror or a jean size.
Unflattering mirrors and lighting draw our already critical eyes to our "trouble areas," but consider for a moment that maybe our true trouble area is not found in the mirror at all.
Maybe it's in not feeling beautiful within.
They Really Don’t Know Jack
Spotted at the local drive-through --
Text: "Treat yourself to something extra. Not like a massage or anything, just what's on the menu."
Damn right, because ...
Nothing feeds the soul like a teriyaki bowl.
There's no greater prize than seasoned curly fries.
And a sirloin steak melt is like nothing you've ever felt.
Do Your Boobs Hang Low?
Please note: This post contains links and video that show female nudity, and even though the images are non-sexual, they're still probably NSFW (unless you're self-employed).
American culture has a prude, yet promiscuous attitude about women's bodies. We shy away from honest and educational discussions about "private" body parts, but at the same time we're exposed to hours of sexually explicit imagery in our media. How many of us have healthy attitudes about our bodies? What does a "normal" woman even look like?
What are "normal-looking" breasts? What is a "normal-looking" vagina? We've seen our own bodies reflected back at us in the mirror, and we may have seen our mothers' or sisters' bodies as we grew up. Otherwise, the most common representations we see belong to actresses, lingerie models, or porn stars, all of whom adhere to a very narrow body standard. When we compare our reflections with those representations, most of us look quite different. Generally, straight women don't get to see many other normal women naked. I would imagine that straight men and lesbians have a greater understanding of the subtle differences in women's bodies than the rest of us.
In my book, I compiled this list of just some of the variations that -- thanks to the media -- we've come to define as flaws. The criteria for determining a body part a flaw just seems to depend on the availability of a "solution" for that flaw. In other words, a part becomes a flaw when there's a product or service that we can buy to fix it. Newly-defined body flaws are new sources of revenue for companies. And we "buy" right into it. We're never okay just as we are -- there's always one more little thing that we can tweak. The more we see images of female perfection in the media, the more we look at our normal bodies with critical eyes.
More and more of us are surgically altering the very parts that make us female -- our breasts and our vulvas -- for no other reason than to fit an arbitrary ideal. I think it's important that we all get a chance to see what non surgically-altered, unretouched women look like. My hope is that if we see the differences and similarities in other real women's bodies, then we can gain a healthier perspective and learn to have a better appreciation for our own bodies.
This website has lots and lots of pictures of breasts -- big ones, small ones, saggy ones, perky ones, post-pregnancy ones, etc. As the site says, "There is enormous variation in what is normal. Sizes and shapes vary enormously. So don't worry, ladies!" The pictures on this site are not objectified images or shots taken without consent. They're user-submitted with faces cropped for anonymity, and they're accompanied by short commentaries from the submitters. Personally, after browsing the images on this site and reading about the women's feelings about their breasts, I had a renewed appreciation for my own.
Documentary filmmaker Lisa Rogers discusses the growing number of women seeking labiaplasty in her film, "The Perfect Vagina." Labiaplasty is a cosmetic procedure in which a surgeon removes the part of the labia minora (inner vaginal lips) that hangs below the outer labia majora. Some women seek out this procedure to alleviate pain and discomfort, but an increasing number of others are getting their lips sliced off so that they can meet the porn star ideal. This thoughtful and educational film discusses our relationship with the most intimate part of our bodies. (Be aware that this film shows a cringe-worthy and graphic scene of a young woman undergoing this surgery.) You can view the entire film here.
In "The Perfect Vagina," Rogers meets with sculptor Jamie McCartney who has made casts of 350 female volunteers' vulvas for his project called "The Great Wall of Vagina" (aka "Design A Vagina"). As McCartney says: "For many women their genitals are a source of shame rather than pride and this piece seeks to redress the balance, showing that everyone is different and everyone is normal. The sculpture comments on the trend for surgery to create the 'perfect' vagina. This modern day equivalent of female genital mutilation is a bizarre practice which suggests that one is better than another."
Here's a short video describing his project:
I believe that educating ourselves about our bodies is empowering. When we feel comfortable in our own skin, we feel more comfortable in navigating the world -- saggy breasts, droopy labia, and all.
Newsstand by Me
What should a woman’s day consist of? More importantly, what is a woman’s true essence? According to magazines, we should aim for glamour and allure, as these are what will offer us the most value in life. Psychology today tries to put us in touch with the self. It tells us that we’re wired to look to our parents and our family circles for details about navigating the world, or simply our town and country. They teach us that being a woman requires us to look pretty and have good housekeeping skills. If our mothers jones for cellulite prevention and physical perfection, chances are that we will too. They ready us for the beauty and fashion magazines to reinforce this notion by taking over as both car and driver. They make our vanity fair game.
Magazines offer highlights into how our lives can be lucky as long as we take the right road and track. To them, this means being in style, in vogue, much like a cosmopolitan New Yorker would be. It means being in shape like Ms. Muscle and Fitness and perpetually seventeen years old. It means being a sassy mademoiselle. It means being thin and beautiful enough to deserve a playboy* who will offer us food and wine, travel and leisure, better homes and gardens, and the big O in his penthouse* – maybe even turn us into brides. This is supposedly the dream written about in each Saturday evening post in any ladies’ home journal and every wish upon a star.
But it’s all a mirage. Magazines waste so much of our time with mindless entertainment weekly, monthly, and daily. The popular science of marketing ensures they make smart money with the advertising age, striving for consumer reports that signify people are letting the ads in magazines and TV guide them in their purchases. And we readers digest it all.
The maxim* that you can’t believe everything you see is true. It’s real simple – magazines offer spin. From across the nation, from the Atlantic to the Pacific, there are thousands of women who are mad about the endless pressure to look perfect. We need to stand up and bitch, to say it’s not OK, because seriously, the stuff* we put up with is just bazaar.
(* Don't worry -- these link to Wikipedia pages, so they're SFW.)
Drive-Through Diet
© 2010 Nancy Lynne Kanter
Help Hugh Know Who
It appears that just a paltry pack of pervs are still peeping at porn printed in paper pictorials. Is poor Playboy's popularity perhaps ... petering out? What a pity.
Fortunately, an unlikely heroine is taking up the cause! In response to the company's financial difficulties, The Daily Show's Kristen Schaal offers an appeal for donations to the Save the Mansion Fund. As she sweetly says: "Living, breathing women with hopes and dreams are standing by to take your pledge."
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Save the Playboy Mansion Fund | ||||
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Dumb Acronym Meets Naïveté
H. er
U. ndermining
S. hirt
B. rings
A. ssholes
N. ot
D. ream guys
Are You Voting for the Hot One, the Bitch, or the Mom?
Criticism of female politicians focuses on gender almost as much as policy. From late night talk show comics to political commentators, female politicians are regularly evaluated on their looks, questioned on their ability to balance work with family, and judged if they step out of ladylike roles. Certainly, male politicians are mocked and criticized as well, but they’re not treated with the same condescension. Regardless of political party or stance, female candidates will most likely face attacks or sexual comments based solely on their possession of a vagina. These comments are an underhanded way to reinforce traditional roles of a woman’s place – and traditionally, a woman’s place is not in power. Sexist comments are a way to invalidate women and to shut us up if we dare to challenge the status quo.
Typically, those who lack the skills to intellectually and rationally argue tend to resort to ad hominem attacks: attacking a woman’s appearance (fat, ugly), sexuality (frigid, slut), femininity (butch, ball-breaker), or character (liberal, feminist). Even compliments can be used as a way to direct attention to a woman’s gender rather than her opinions. This subtle manipulation is done to throw her and the audience off topic. These tactics are commonly seen in forms of media that attract a less-intellectually minded, albeit vocal, crowd – Internet comment threads, letters to the editors of certain publications, ultra-conservative talk radio, and pundits on cable TV programs that try to pass off propaganda as “news” (some might even call it faux news).
Sexist comments are so commonplace that they generally go unchallenged. Also, we’re less likely to object when the candidate’s political ideology differs from our own. (Heard any good Sarah Palin jokes lately?) This isn’t any less offensive though. Why not stick to criticizing her political stances or even her lack of intelligence, but stay away from the comments that narrow her down to her being a chick? Is that too much to ask? There’s certainly public outrage when politicians or media personalities make racist slurs -- as there should be. These people are reprimanded or even fired. They might even formally apologize for their ignorance and insensitivity. Where’s the outrage when Glenn Beck calls Senator Mary Landrieu a prostitute? Or when G. Gordon Liddy says that he hopes the “key conferences aren't when [Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor is] menstruating”? Or what about when Senator Arlen Specter tells Representative Michele Bachmann, "I'm going to treat you like a lady ... now act like one"? (see more) Seriously, WTF?
Need more examples? Check out this short video from the Women's Media Center that demonstrates just how common this crap really is:
This boy’s-club-locker-room-frat-brother mentality continues because there's a lack of accountability. The anonymity of the Internet allows people to make offensive comments that they might otherwise withhold in public. And those who would say such things in public may not get much push-back anyway. Not enough people resist or speak up about sexism, and our silence allows it to go on. It's particularly difficult to change these attitudes culturally when those who hold positions of privilege and power in society (both males and females) contribute to them.
Here's the cost of our apathy. A recent study offered evidence about how sexist insults hurt female politicians (and I’m not just talking about their feelings). These comments are not mere annoyances. They have an actual impact on women’s ability to have respect, influence, and power in society.
Maybe it's time to speak up.
See Victoria’s Secret Candies
I snapped this photo while shopping at my local mall. Seriously, what kind of sadistic bastard would put these two stores next to each other? They might as well go ahead and add a Lane Bryant to the mix and complete the body angst triad. Jeez.
You Will Never Be Merely Pretty
“[This is] about women who will prowl over 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but who haven’t a clue how to find fulfillment or how to wear joy …”
This performance made me a new fan of slam poetry. With passion and power, Katie Makkai summarizes our collective obsession with being pretty enough. I have to admit that she brought tears to my eyes. As a fellow poet who also wants to be pretty, I found her performance truly inspiring. For those of you pretty-seeking non-poets, you may very well find that it inspires you too.
Pretty amazing.
The Horror of Sexy Victims
Our culture has a twisted way of dealing with female sexuality. On the upside, women are placed on pedestals as pretty objects to peer at; however on the downside, we're threatened with violence and control. Attractive women are featured as victims in all forms of media: they’re the dead bodies or rape victims in horror movies, action thrillers, and television crime dramas; they're the abused women in Lifetime movies; they’re in print and Internet ads as dismembered, sexual body parts, or they’re striking corpse-like, dominated, or submissive poses in Vogue. As if being victims of violence weren't enough, those victims are usually portrayed in various stages of undress, which further communicates vulnerability.
To be fair, women are not merely portrayed as sexy victims -- we're also the sexy perpetrators. (Yay?) We use our sexuality as weapons against men, threatening them with temptation and making them vulnerable. But the femme fatale fetish is merely the other side of the same coin. It all goes back to a sexually repressed culture that still hasn't gotten over its virgin/whore complex. Both victim and femme fatale imply that female sexuality is dangerous and must be controlled. This is also reflected in our cultural attitudes about virginity, sex education, unwed mothers, and abortion.
"Torture porn" is a recent trend in the horror film genre that features exceedingly graphic violence. The terminology itself links violent imagery with sexuality. Although the films do not necessarily involve sex, they often show nude or partially dressed women being pursued, captured, raped, tortured, and murdered -- therefore making the name quite appropriate. Torture porn is meant to shock, disgust, and degrade more than to frighten and is a more extreme example of the typical forms of media violence.
And this mentality bleeds into real life. Even local news programs, while not exactly entertainment, tend to follow the same theme. They offer airtime for stories about attractive, upper-middle class, white, young, female victims of kidnapping, rape, or murder, while largely ignoring less stereotypically attractive, poor, or minority victims. Is it really true that only cute little blond girls, suburban teenagers, or pretty college coeds get victimized? Of course not, but the media treats those stories as the most compelling. They're just more sympathetic victims, apparently.
The regular depiction of attractive women as victims conveys an undercurrent of hostility. These images create and reflect a culture in which varying degrees of sexual aggression and domination against women are normal -- even socially acceptable. Violence against barely-dressed women in the media suggests the antiquated notion that "boys will be boys," with the unspoken implication that women can "ask for it" or "deserve it" based on what we look like, what we're wearing, or how we act. Overt female sexuality apparently can be a causal factor for violence against us.
Hell, wearing "fuck me" heels must be practically an invitation then.
I didn't have to try hard at all to find the large collection of images displayed here (see more below). Unfortunately, I could've kept going. Men are definitely portrayed as victims in the media as well, but they are not depicted in the same manner. Their lives may be threatened, but their sexuality is not. Why is this?
Violent imagery plays on women’s real fear of sexual violence. Guys may invoke prison movie shower scenes or the “squeal like a pig” scene from Deliverance as humorous ways to refer to the rape of men. It can be joked about, because the threat is far from the reality of most men. There aren’t many situations in which grown men fear sexual violation. Women live in a different world. Female sexuality paired with violence is particularly threatening because it happens, and not just when we’re in prison or on a camping trip in the backwoods of Georgia with inbred hillbilly banjo players. And even if we never personally suffer sexual violence, we live with the fear that it’s a possibility. Most of us have either been assaulted or know another woman who has. We watch the news. We’ve heard the statistics. We’re aware of our vulnerability in fighting off unwanted advances – either due to lack of physical strength or because we’re socialized to please men and we fear speaking up. We nervously glance over our shoulders while walking alone at night. We feel anxious walking past a group of leering men. We feel violated when a male acquaintance get a little too touchy-feely after a few drinks. And for good reason. Women get raped by men we don’t know. We get raped by men we thought were our friends. And we get raped by men we love.
All of this imagery reflects real world dangers for women in the rate of actual violent crime against us and also in the lessons we learn from an early age in how to protect ourselves against those dangers. We learn not to talk to strange men, walk down dark alleys alone, leave our drinks unattended, wear certain outfits, go back to the guy's place on a first date, or to engage in similar risky behavior. As women, we learn that we’re never really safe, but it's our responsibility to avoid being attacked. And then if we fail to take the "right" precautions, the implication is that we may have even asked for it.
There's more than one reason why these images are scary. Individually, they could be considered entertainment. But together, they seem like a warning.
It’s as if we’re daring to seduce death itself.
Don’t Watch a Movie with a Feminist
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
She’ll analyze each scene
She’ll pick apart the sexist plot
And explain how it demeans.
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
Tired tropes just trash her mood
She’ll ask why every female role
Supports the man or ends up nude?
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
The boobs won’t get a pass
She’ll call out objectification:
”What’s with all the tits and ass?”
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
When the actor’s cool and gritty
She’ll tell you that it’s bullshit –
Actresses just get to look pretty.
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
When it stars an ugly guy
Who every hot chick’s drawn to –
She’ll find this hard to buy.
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
She’ll ruin all the fun
Her eye-rolls, snark, and sighing
Won’t stop until it’s done.
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
Frustration comes out a lot
‘Cause sexism sells in filmmaking
And sarcasm’s all she’s got.
Don’t watch a movie with a feminist
Just don’t invite her anymore
Disrespect of women matters
But it’s easier to ignore.
Love Your Body (only if it looks good)
Every form of media reminds us that our bodies are not acceptable as is. Perfect female forms are used to decorate movies, magazines, music, makeup ads, and more. It’s hard to avoid seeing all those images and just as hard to avoid negatively comparing ourselves.
Thankfully, we women have empowering sites like this to balance that out. They even have a special “Love Your Body” section, dedicated to helping us, you know, love our bodies. Let’s check it out together, shall we?
Here’s a recent screenshot:
First of all, if I looked like the “Love Your Body” flexing girls at top, I’d probably love my body too. The rest of the page isn’t that bad though. I can get behind dressing in a way that best flatters my shape. By the way, it’s refreshing to see a photo of the not-stereotypically-perfect-looking Queen Latifah. Moving on … yes, hydrating oneself is good … and one can do this with Crystal Light Pure Fitness, apparently. (Question: if I turn my water into fitness water, will it turn my body into a fitness body?)
Scroll down to next screenshot:
First, we have “10 Healthy Things You Can Do In 10 Minutes.” Sounds good. Hold on now … what’s this? “Look Amazing By Next Monday” accompanied by a picture of stereotypically-hot-bikini-girl. What’s today? (checking calendar) Wednesday? Well crap – I’d better hurry up then! I’m pretty sure that no matter what I do though, there’s no way I’ll look like her by Monday. However, if I glance to the right, I find that there are 6 ways I can look amazing in just 48 hours. Well which is it?! Do I have 48 hours or until Monday to look amazing?! Someone please tell me! I need to know how much Crystal Light Pure Fitness I have to drink!!!
Scroll down again:
Now this is interesting. Just when we thought that hitting legal drinking age was the time of our beauty peak, a new survey finds that it actually occurs 10 years later. Good news – all that drinking has served us well! Next time someone tells me, “Looks like you’ve been partying a lot,” I’ll consider it a compliment! I appreciate the ethnically diverse photo of women who also seem to have partied a lot. And we move on to the next story … “5 Healthy Tips to Look Hot in 3 Days” … wait a second. WTF? I’m so confused! Do I have 48 hours, 3 days, or until Monday?! I won’t be able to sleep until I find out! This is driving me nuts! It’s enough to make me want to just jump off a bridge and forget it.
Scroll down yet again:
I give up.
Maybe She’s Born with It …
Maybe it's photoshopp--ing. 
In Defense of Duckface
According to Urban Dictionary, duckface is “the face made if you push your lips together in a combination of a pout and a pucker, giving the impression [that] you have larger cheekbones and bigger lips.”
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are the most notorious celebrity duckface posers, but if you have any youngish female (or sometimes male) friends on Facebook or MySpace, then you’ve undoubtedly been introduced to this infamous facial expression. You may even be guilty of posing like this yourself (Don't worry, I won't tell ... as long as you promise to stop).
What makes a duckface stand out is that it looks so contrived – it’s an exaggerated sexy face, which just ends up looking decidedly unsexy. A duckface pose is often captured in a self-shot cellphone photo at an angle from above, head slightly turned and cocked to the side, and eyes half-closed in a seductive squint. Many times it’s accompanied by cleavage, a peace sign(?), and other duckfaced friends.
I considered posting a photo of myself here to demonstrate duckface, but I had to delete it because I'm just too vain to immortalize myself in a photo that way. My goal isn’t to make fun of duckface though – that’s already been done in several places: on here, and over here, and even in a song.
When I first saw these, I admit that I found them amusing. But the more I thought about it, the more I saw duckface as a response to a culture that pressures women and girls to constantly look sexy through never-ending examples of what “sexy” is supposed to look like. Full, pouty lips like those belonging to Angelina Jolie are beauty must-haves. If we weren’t born with those, we can buy beauty products that claim to plump up our pouts with the tingling sensation of menthol. We can learn makeup tips like using a neutral lipliner just outside our natural liplines and dabbing a touch of highlighter at the center of our bottom lips. We can apply shimmering lipgloss that ends up sticking to our hair in the wind. If we’re really serious about it, we can get lip injections that offer the duckface look without the daily upkeep.
Or we can just strike a pose.
I find it sad that girls as young as 11 years old would try to capture this look, as someone I know recently did. However, I remember being around 13 or so, posing in the bathroom mirror, mimicking the models in the magazines myself. They were the examples of what women were supposed to look like, and I wanted to look like them.
When you really think about it, the aim of a duckface pose is to achieve that alluring and glamorous pout that appears throughout the media, to look like one has those kissable lips that every lip product or cosmetic injection claims to provide. Duckface is simply an unsophisticated and exaggerated attempt to look like this:
Only a select few have either the genes or the money to pay for the cosmetic procedures, makeup artists, stylists, lighting experts, and photo retouchers to transform them into the “right kind” of sexy. It seems kind of unfair - we’re expected to emulate the ads, but then we’re mocked for trying.
Somehow, duckface doesn’t seem so funny after all.
Kidnapping is Funny!
The Cheeky has unveiled a collection of suitcase stickers designed to make it look like your Samsonite® has been ripped open to reveal its contents. Their four designs let FAA personnel, along with your fellow passengers, think that you either: a) smuggle cocaine, b) have stacks of cash, c) have a sex toy fetish, or d) are a kidnapper (my personal fave!).
The description on the website reads: “Take a stand against monotonous travel with Suitcase Stickers.” Wow. You can totally tell that whoever designed these stickers is like a real social activist.
Hell yeah! Hear that, people! I’m gonna take a stand! It’s time to do something about boring air travel. Enough’s enough. And you know what would amuse me? Here's what! Holding up everyone at security as the screeners do double-takes of my luggage until they realize how incredibly witty and clever I am! OMG – it would be so funny if people thought that I kidnapped a flight attendant, tied her up, gagged her, and shoved her in my suitcase! How hilarious! Her mascara’s smeared too, so it looks like she’s been crying. ROTFLOL!
How very cheeky indeed.
I Lost 50 lbs. by Eating Cardboard, & You Can Too!*
* Results not typical
I know that this may come as a shock to some, but those prepackaged, Lean Cuisine®-Nutrisystem®-Jenny Craig®-style meals are not food. They’re simply not meant for human consumption. Lean Cuisine® is hardly cuisine in any traditional sense of the word, Nutrisystem® has a negligible number of natural nutrients, and I’m willing to bet that Jenny Craig’s curriculum vitae doesn’t contain any kind of culinary career.
Each cellophane-film-covered plastic tray contains a chemically-enhanced food-like product (and maybe a few extra hyphens). The colorful photo on the box fools us into thinking that the contents are appealing (and only 300 calories!), but once we open that box, we’re dealt the harsh hand of reality, and we find that it’s full of jokers.
Advertisements for these “foods” feature B-list celebrity endorsers standing in front of the camera and striking three-quarter poses in their new Vogue-worthy bodies. They sneer at their ghastly “before” photos snapped by sneaky paparazzi, and treat their old selves with the same disdain reserved for the fat girl in gym class. They wordlessly admit that they’ve given into the shame of being caught fat in public. And damn, if they aren’t going to do something about it! [Enter cape-wearing diet program.]
These celebrities stand there claiming they lost weight by eating delicious treats like pizza and chocolate! OMG! But that sounds crazy, because we all know that pizza and chocolate aren’t diet foods. Duh! ... But wait! Sometimes they are! And if Kirstie Alley and Marie Osmond can drop 50 pounds indulging in such “treats,” then you can too! (Be sure to note the “Results not typical” message in tiny print at the bottom of EVERY one of these ads: Go on and check … I’ll wait.)
Have you ever tried frozen diet pizza? (Choking down a microwaved frozen diet pizza in a cubicle is a sure-fire way to kick off an existential crisis in anyone.) Have you peeled off the cellophane and folded the box over to reveal the advanced science of a crisping tray? Have you stuck it in the microwave, all the while talking yourself into how it’s really not that bad, and you wouldn’t SO rather have the giant carne asada burrito from that delicious Mexican take-out place that your co-worker is devouring (BTW -- she's devouring the burrito, not the place)? Have you bitten into said pizza, burning the roof of your mouth and adding more misery to an already miserable meal? Oh you have? Well, then you most assuredly know that these “pizzas” taste like they smeared a dab of Prego sauce on a slice of cardboard and dusted on a pinch of waxy cheese product. In fact, the box could even double as seconds!
You might as well be eating this:
In other words, it’s delicious!
Look – it even has stuffed crust!
