Posts in category Self-esteem
Sadly, we lost another movie icon today. RIP Lauren Bacall (1924-2014)
After the recent Comedy Central roast of actor James Franco, Sarah Silverman admitted to having her self-esteem take a hit as the roast devolved into jokes about her "advanced" age. She discusses her reaction during an interview on W. Kamau Bell’s Totally Biased.
"Me being old, first of all, at the roast? — completely took me by surprise … Because it's personal, that is just so woman-based. I wasn't even the oldest one on that dais. I'm the same age as fresh-faced new star W. Kamau Bell! I feel like it's a part of, as soon as a woman gets to an age where she has opinions and she's vital and she's strong, she's systematically shamed into hiding under a rock. And this is by progressive pop-culture people! You know what I mean? It's really odd! I feel bad that it cut me. Because I should be like this about it (brushing her hand off her shoulder). I feel like your joke is that I'm still alive. My crime is not dying.
And I feel like, I just did this special and it made me think of something I said, which was — to so many women, especially when I watch Real Housewives — (muffled, through gritted teeth) which I watch, I wish I didn't, but I do — I just want to say, 'Your heartbreaking attempts to look younger is the reason your daughter doesn't dream about her future!'"
Watch the interview here:
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a renowned Nigerian novelist. She gave a powerful presentation at TEDxEuston entitled "We Should All Be Feminists". This is an excerpt from her speech:
Watch the full presentation here:
No matter how accomplished or how talented a woman is, her appearance is always treated as relevant. Here's one example. BBC tennis commentator, John Inverdale, had this to say about France's Marion Bartoli who just won Wimbledon's women's singles title:
"I just wonder if her dad, because he has obviously been the most influential person in her life, did say to her when she was 12, 13, 14 maybe, 'listen, you are never going to be, you know, a looker. You are never going to be somebody like a [Maria] Sharapova, you're never going to be 5ft 11, you're never going to be somebody with long legs, so you have to compensate for that."
Bartoli took this powerful swing in response:
It’s time to declare independence, to separate ourselves from the bad habits, the stifling expectations, and the negative messages that no longer serve us (assuming they ever did).
It’s time to declare independence from media messages that tell us we’re ugly if we don’t look like the “flawless” images of celebrities on the screen and in the magazines. It’s time to stop buying into the manipulation and stop wasting time trying to chase an illusion that doesn’t even exist.
It’s time to declare independence from the belief that having the perfect body will make us worthy of love and respect. We’re already worthy of love and respect in the bodies we have now — no amount of weight loss or plastic surgery will increase our value.
It’s time to declare independence from dieting, from deprivation, from seeing food as the enemy. The American weight loss industry makes nearly $60 billion a year trying to convince us that we’re not good enough — if diets worked, would these companies be this profitable? It’s time to stop contributing to their false sense of hope.
It’s time to declare independence from body loathing, from looking at our bodies with disgust instead of love. It’s time to appreciate all of the amazing things they do for us — the jiggly arms that give great hugs, the flabby thighs that carry us through the park, the droopy breasts that fed a child, the wounded heart that still knows how to love, the exhausted brain that still manages to tell our lungs to breathe.
It’s time to declare independence from the oppressive labels of virgin or whore, straight or gay, feminine or masculine, and all the shades in between. Our number of sex partners do not define us. Our sexuality does not define us. Our gender identity does not define us. These traits can’t possibly define what kind of person we are or what’s in our hearts or our minds. Any attempt by others to claim otherwise is an attempt to control us, to police our behavior, and to shame us so that they don’t have to examine their own ignorance and fear.
It’s time to declare independence from the belief that women can bring sexual assault upon ourselves based on how provocatively we’re dressed, how flirty we act, or how drunk we get. The only ones responsible for rapists' behavior are rapists themselves. We have the right not to be blamed when others hurt us, and we have the right to feel safe in the world.
It’s time to declare independence from legislators who think the female body should be controlled by wealthy, middle-aged, white, Christian, conservative men. Our bodies belong to us — it’s time to declare our freedom to make our own decisions about them. Because if we cannot, then we are truly not equal citizens and this country is not as free it claims to be.
It’s time to declare independence from spending so much time, energy, and money trying to fit into someone else’s idea of who they think we should be. It’s time to put ourselves first, to focus on our own desires and do what we think is right. It’s time to trust our own instincts and make ourselves proud.
It’s time to declare independence from shame, from the belief that we’re not good enough, not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not clever enough, not sexy enough, not pure enough, not feminine enough, not worthy enough. It’s time to declare that we are already enough — that we are perfectly imperfect exactly as we are.
It’s time to declare our independence from any force that tries to hold us down — including those forces that limit us from within.
Artist uses Photoshop to remove Barbie's & Bratz dolls' makeup:
“Dolls heavily influence the way that young girls want to look. And so, in my opinion, less is more. I hope that my work inspires toy companies to give dolls a more natural look. If the dolls look good without makeup, what's the point of putting makeup on them in the first place?"
See more at Bust Magazine.
If you're an overthinker, here are a few things that can help:
1) Meditation -- Take a few minutes every day to practice clearing the mind. Over time, it helps, but in the meantime ...
2) Triggers -- Figure out what triggers you to overthink: Is it a need to control things? Is it co-dependency & feeling like you're supposed to take care of everyone? Is it a critical inner voice that starts telling you how you screwed up or how you're not good enough?
3) Pay attention! -- Try to catch yourself when you start ruminating, before you start going into that downward spiral. Notice what triggers those thoughts (that's where meditation helps).
4) Stop yourself from going there! -- Find a distraction, call a supportive friend, take a bath, watch a movie - anything that stops the auto-pilot & redirects you to go down a better path.
From the song "Perfect," written & performed by Pink.