If Beauty Is Inside, Why Do We Hate Our Guts?: Pop Culture, Sexism, & Body Image
Learn moreI'm sick of hearing the "irresponsible slut" rhetoric. Sometimes, NOT having kids IS the responsible thing to do! (And before you start, please refrain from that "If you don't want to get pregnant, then don't have sex" BS. It's naive, judgmental, + it's none of your business anyway.) ...
It matters whose stories get told.
... and your staring, your leering, your hissing, your kissing sounds, etc. (P.S. To the "gentlemen" last night at El Pollo Loco - you're at a chicken joint for Christ's sake. Get your own damn breasts & thighs and stop leering at mine. Assholes.)
During the second Presidential Debate, while Mitt Romney explained how concerned he is about fairness and equality in the workplace, a meme was born. Someone quickly set up a Tumblr page called Binders Full of Women and it's since gone viral. Here's the infamous binder comment:
"In response to a young woman named Katherine Fenton's question about females making only 72 percent of what their male counterparts earn, Gov. Romney talked about how when he was elected in Massachusetts, he made 'a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet.' He continued, 'I went to a number of women's groups said 'Can you help us find folks?' and they brought us whole binders full of women!' ...
First of all, who SAYS something so completely condescending and sexist like that -- referring to potential female hires as 'binders full of women'?! Sure, blame that tired old excuse that 'words don't always come out the right way,' but there's a reason that phrase jumped out at people. It's because it reflects how Mitt Romney really feels about women."
The Tumblr page has quite a few "binder" memes, but here are a couple of my personal favorites:
See more here. :)
Badass of the Week: Australia's 1st female Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, for brilliantly calling out conservative opposition leader, Tony Abbott, on being a sexist douchebag:
Grab some popcorn and watch her rip into the smug-looking bastard:"I will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man, I will not. Not now, not ever. What I won't stand for, what I will never stand for is the leader of the opposition peddling a double standard, a standard he has not set for members of his own front bench. ...
"If he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia he doesn't need a motion in the house of Representatives, he needs a mirror.
"I was offended by the sexism, by the misogyny of the Leader of the Opposition cat calling across this table at me as I sit here as prime minister [saying], 'If the prime minister wants to make an honest woman of herself…' something that would never have been said to any man sitting in this chair. ...
"He has said, 'If it's true that men have more power, generally speaking, than women, is that a bad thing?' [and] 'What if men, by physiology or temperament, are more adapted to exercise authority or to issue command?'"
"He can apologise for standing next to signs [about me] saying, 'Ditch the Witch.'"
Sex selective abortion is a controversial issue that the anti-choice movement has co-opted in an effort to end all abortions. Since female fetuses are typically the ones being aborted, anti-choice proponents have manipulated this to argue how abortion hurts all women -- those having abortions and the unborn, future women that are aborted. However, what they fail to take into consideration is that sex selective abortions take place when a society devalues the female gender. The paternalistic attempts to eliminate a woman's right to control her own reproductive health is proof that her choices, her decision-making ability, and her desires are not valued.
In countries such as India and China, sex selective abortions are much more common. They occur because of cultural and economic factors that favor families for having male children.
"We know that in Asian countries [a preference for sons] is the dominant cultural factor. The reasons are: parents think sons alone have the obligation to provide security to the parents in old age; undertake the responsibility of younger sibling's education and marriage; bear the burden of family debt; perform the last rites for parents; bring in dowry; bring in return on investment made on their education; carry on the family business and protect the ancestral property.
But daughters are always considered as liability ... since any investment on them, especially on education will benefit only the husband and the in-laws and heavy dowry has to be paid for them. Moreover, their entire marriage expenses are borne by their parents. The society does not accept the practice of parents living in daughters’ homes in old age. Hence even in the 21st century these reasons prevail and have caused aversion towards girl’s birth. Girl children are not allowed to be born through feticide or abortion and in poor families not allowed to live through infanticide."
But the answer to ending sex selection isn't to ban abortion. The solution lies in changing cultural attitudes in which being a female is a detriment.
"One unfortunate consequence of that ban could well be the increase in the number of newborn female infants killed, or worse still, chronic neglect of the unwanted girls. The effective measures would be ... provide information and materials for effective contraception; ... enforce measures for higher education of girls so that gender equity is achieved in education and employment matters. The last measure would help in treating girls as an asset than a liability. They can meet their expenses without depending on others. Economic independence for women is an effective tool to counteract [the preference for sons]."
This can not only be applied to the issue of sex selective abortions in countries such as India and China, but also to abortion rights everywhere.
"An ideal feminist world would not be one in which abortions are free and common, but one in which women have greater control over pregnancy, and in which the circumstances that make pregnancies unwanted, have been transformed. Until then, in a hugely imperfect, unfair and sexist world, I believe feminists must defend women’s access to legal and safe abortions whenever they decide to have them – whatever the reason for their decision."
No fair -- I want cool ranch!
I also love sparkly things, jewelry, shopping, makeup, pink, & maxi-dresses!!! Actually, I just love wearing maxi-dresses because I don't have to shave ... I guess that makes me even more of a feminist then. ;P
... and others.
Even if he (or she) is coming, it's still up to you ...
This is especially true when something irritates us way more than the situation calls for. It's an indication that it's touching off something bigger inside.
Portia de Rossi, actress and wife of comedian Ellen DeGeneres, struggled with anorexia for years. Her weight hit a low of 82 pounds while filming the TV show Ally McBeal, partly due to entertainment industry pressure to be thin and also due to the shame of hiding her sexual orientation. She wrote her book, Unbearable Lightness, for anyone who's ever struggled with body image.
The above quote was from an episode of the brilliant new show, The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet, which airs on Lifetime. Watch a clip from the show here:
Next time you fell a little insecure about your looks, remember this ...
There's been a lot of talk recently about religion in politics. From employers seeking religious exemptions for contraceptive coverage in health insurance premiums to pharmacists denying women emergency contraception because it violates their religious beliefs -- it appears that there's an increasingly blurry line separating church and state. And those who try to point out the importance of that line are accused of starting a "War on Religion".
For an increasing number of Americans, this blurring of the lines may very well be giving religion a bad name, making it seem less about loving thy neighbor and more about oppressing them.
One in five Americans report that they don't belong to any religion, according to data from the Pew Research Center. While 79% still identify as religious, those without religious affiliation has risen from 8% to 20% in the past two decades. In the same time, there's been an increasing association between religious beliefs and political affiliation, with white evangelical Christians comprising a large part of the Republican Party and 68% of those with no religious affiliation identifying as Democrats. According to the Washington Post:
Congregations used to be a blend of political affiliations, but that’s generally not the case anymore. Sociologists have shown that Americans are more likely to pick their place of worship by their politics, not vice versa. ...
'We think it’s mostly a reaction to the religious right,' said Harvard political scientist Robert Putnam, who has written at length about the decline in religious affiliation. 'The best predictor of which people have moved into this category over the last 20 years is how they feel about religion and politics' aligning, particularly conservative politics and opposition to gay civil rights.
America was founded on the concept of religious freedom. But what some people fail to understand is that this doesn't include the freedom to impose their personal religious beliefs on others. Jezebel writer Lindy West sums it up well:
I am not religious, but I certainly don't care if other people want to be. The only sticking point emerges when people want to use those religious beliefs ... to encroach upon people's legal rights. When religious conservatives attempt to dismantle the separation of church and state (making women's healthcare into a moral issue, for example; or denying gay couples the same legal rights that straight couples enjoy ...), that's when I take issue with religion. When we start getting into conversations like this:
'Wait, why don't I get equal rights?' 'Because the Bible says so.' 'But I don't believe in the Bible.' 'Well, I do. So tough shit.'
... that's when we have a problem."
Amen to that.
Woman goes out on a pleasant date with a seemingly nice guy. Guy sends a text the next day, hinting at sex. She politely lets him know that she's not ready for a sexual relationship yet. The conversation quickly deteriorates, with him calling her "bitchy," "mean," and "crazy". Here's an excerpt from her open letter to him:
"You didn’t seem to think I was too bitchy, mean, or crazy literally 15 minutes earlier when you texted me saying you wanted to see me again. What changed? What changed is that I said something that you didn’t like. I told you, in response to a flirty-sounding text, that I wanted to take sexual stuff slowly. But it really doesn’t matter what I said, does it? I said something that you didn’t like. That made me 'bitchy,' 'mean' and 'crazy.'
... In our culture, 'crazy,' 'bitchy' and 'mean' are three of the worst words that you can call a woman. Those words you used are dismissive on purpose. Those words are intended to shut a woman down, because women know society doesn’t like mean, crazy bitches. Got the message loud and clear, sweetie."
But there's more to it. When a man calls a woman a "crazy bitch," not only does it dismiss her feelings, but it also alleviates his own feelings of rejection. Instead of confronting his insecurities, he'll defensively blame the woman and project onto her his "crazy" (i.e., confusing or embarrassing) emotions. She becomes the crazy one, while he's acting in a perfectly reasonable manner. And she's still the crazy one -- even if he gaslights her and instigates the "craziness." Certainly, it's possible for women to act "crazy" or "bitchy" at times, but these terms are used way more frequently to dismiss and silence us for speaking our minds or making a man feel uncomfortable.
The author of the article offers her former suitor a crash course in Communication for Grown-Ups:
"Now, this could just be my craziness coming out, but I have this radical idea that it might be easier to just listen to what a woman is saying, file those little bits of emotion away in your brain, and then make a thoughtful judgment call based on what she communicated. No one is saying you have to do what she asks. No one is even saying you have to stick around with her! But changing your own behavior to listen and — crazy, radical idea here again — communicating with her your thoughts might yield better results than writing off anyone who says something you don’t like ..."
That just seems crazy enough to work! Read the rest of the article here.
Resistance to losing weight is generally not about laziness, lack of willpower, or love of food. The weight is just a symptom of what's going on underneath ...
Columbus Day is a national holiday observed on the second Monday of October and commemorated by inconvenient closing of banks and post offices, paid holidays for lucky employees, and appliance sales at Sears. Children learn that Christopher Columbus was a great explorer who sailed all the way across the ocean from Spain and heroically "discovered" America, a place that incidentally:
A. Was already "discovered" by the indigenous people who'd been there for generations.
B. Wasn't even the place he intended to sail to. He meant to reach India, which is why Native Americans used to be known as "Indians" (i.e., The dude wasn't even a good navigator.)
Those are just a couple of the less-damaging misconceptions. Here are a few brutal inconvenient truths about this great "discoverer" whom we still celebrate.
Christopher Columbus on taking advantage of the kindness and naivete of the indigenous people:
“They do not bear arms, and do not know them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance ... They would make fine servants ... With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want ...
"As soon as I arrived in the Indies, on the first Island which I found, I took some of the natives by force in order that they might learn and might give me information of whatever there is in these parts ... [The Indians] are so naive and so free with their possessions that no one who has not witnessed them would believe it. When you ask for something they have, they never say no. To the contrary, they offer to share with anyone.”
Columbus' treatment of Native American women and girls:
"Columbus and his men ... used the Taino as sex slaves: it was a common reward for Columbus' men for him to present them with local women to rape. As he began exporting Taino as slaves to other parts of the world, the sex-slave trade became an important part of the business, as Columbus wrote to a friend in 1500: 'A hundred castellanoes (a Spanish coin) are as easily obtained for a woman as for a farm, and it is very general and there are plenty of dealers who go about looking for girls; those from nine to ten (years old) are now in demand.' ...
"[Columbus' crewmember, Miguel] Cuneo further notes that he himself took a beautiful teenage Carib girl as his personal slave, a gift from Columbus himself, but that when he attempted to have sex with her, she 'resisted with all her strength.' So, in his own words, he 'thrashed her mercilessly and raped her.'"
Columbus' way of disciplining those who disobeyed:
"... [T]he Taino turned out not to be particularly good workers in the plantations ... they resented their lands and children being taken, and attempted to fight back against the invaders. Since the Taino where obviously standing in the way of Spain's progress, Columbus sought to impose discipline on them. For even a minor offense, an Indian's nose or ear was cut off, [so] he could go back to his village to impress the people with the brutality the Spanish were capable of. Columbus attacked them with dogs, skewered them with pikes, and shot them.
"Eventually, life for the Taino became so unbearable that, as Pedro de Cordoba wrote to King Ferdinand in a 1517 letter, 'As a result of the sufferings and hard labor they endured, the Indians choose and have chosen suicide. Occasionally a hundred have committed mass suicide. The women, exhausted by labor, have shunned conception and childbirth. Many, when pregnant, have taken something to abort and have aborted. Others after delivery have killed their children with their own hands, so as not to leave them in such oppressive slavery.'Eventually, Columbus and later his brother Bartholomew Columbus who he left in charge of the island, simply resorted to wiping out the Taino altogether."
The question is, if Columbus was such a cruel bastard, why do we continue to honor him with a national holiday? Here's a likely explanation that could be applied to any form of oppression:
"... [T]he effort to caste his legacy as one of bravery and glory rather than brutality, rape, and murder is no accident. ... [T]hose in power (read most often as those who are white and male) can only live with our privilege if we create a 'culture of make believe,' whereby we invent imaginary narratives of the brutality of our past to justify the position of power and privilege which we enjoy today. Without such narratives, we could not justify our current system!"
Happy Columbus Day! I heard that Best Buy has a great sale on white washing machines.
Most of us are familiar with this iconic WWII image of the sailor kissing the nurse. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite what it seemed. This article, “The Selective Blindness of Rape Culture,” provides context behind what really happened.
"... George and Greta were perfect strangers. We learn that George was drunk, and that Greta had no idea of his presence, until she was in his arms, with his lips on hers. ... 'It wasn’t my choice to be kissed. The guy just came over and grabbed! ... I did not see him approaching, and before I knew it, I was in this vice grip. ... You don’t forget this guy grabbing you. ... That man was very strong. I wasn’t kissing him. He was kissing me.' ...
"It seems pretty clear, then, that what George had committed was sexual assault. ... [Accounts of the event] continue to talk about the picture in a whimsical, reverent manner, 'still mesmerized by his timeless kiss.' George’s actions are romanticized and glorified; it is almost as if Greta had never spoken."
Also consider this when someone else is judging you. Too often, we take things personally when it's really about the other person's issues.
