Posts in category Relationships
In 2090 …
I've recently seen this meme circulating around social media, so I decided to fix it. Having lost my beloved grandmother this past year, it gives me even more perspective. If I found a photo of her like the one on the right, I would be thinking, "Alright! You go, Grandma!" I would be excited to see the family resemblance, how we share a similar body shape or bone structure. I would be feeling connected to her and wondering what she was like as a younger woman. I certainly wouldn't be objectifying her or judging her attempt at trying to feel attractive. I wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed of her like this meme is implying a grandchild should feel.
It makes me sad that the ones I've seen sharing this meme are other women. Come on, ladies. We can do better than this. There's enough misogyny in the world. We don't need to participate in it ourselves. :(
Something else to consider for those who take issue with the photo on the right: in a society in which women are routinely objectified and treated as if our bodies are our most valuable attribute, is it any surprise that some of us might internalize that to a degree and just want to feel like we're one of the beautiful ones too?
Take the Pledge
Take the pledge here: www.itsonus.org
Halloween IS Scary!
In the past several years, Halloween has morphed into something really scary. Not because of the blood and gore, creepy decorations, or traditionally spooky costumes, but because of how it reinforces the cultural narrative about women.
Halloween used to be the day when you could put on a disguise and pretend to be someone else for the night. For women, it could be a reprieve from the daily pressure to look thin, beautiful, and sexy. But instead of a day off from that pressure, Halloween is now a day to amp it up. Nearly every option for women is a sexy take on a traditional costume, from fetishized caricatures from porn to the totally absurd, such as the Sexy Hamburger, the Sexy Crayon, the Sexy Skittles, the Sexy Sponge Bob, and the Sexy Nemo (the clown fish from Finding Nemo). I just ... I ... have no words:
But it's not all just harmless fun. Even child characters in fairy tales have been made into sexed-up costumes for women, e.g., Sexy Little Red Riding Hood, Sexy Goldilocks, and Sexy Alice in Wonderland. (See more examples here).
In addition to fairy tale characters, here are a few other ways for women to dress up as sexy little girls -- the Sexy Girl Scout, the Sexy Schoolgirl, and the Sexy Baby (WTF is wrong with people?!):
What's so troubling about these costumes is that:
Of course, many Halloween costumes are intended to be frightening or gory, but turning a male horror movie killer that often targets scantily-clad female victims into a scantily-clad female horror movie killer has some interesting connotations. Horror movie killers tend to murder (punish) the sexually open "whores" early on, while the good girl "virgins" often escape (reward). Underlying the sexy female killer is a misogynistic fear of female sexuality and power -- it threatens conservative social attitudes about women owning our sexuality and our bodies. It also sparks our own conflicted feelings about sexuality or our insecurities about other women being competition or threats. Since all of these fears are uncomfortable, they must be buried or "killed".
Clearly, there are lots of "sexy" costumes for women, but those for men are a bit different. This Tumblr page has tons of examples of the same costume idea, but different versions for him and her. The differences are quite striking when you look at them side-by-side. His costumes are typically silly, while hers are always sexy. Here are his-and-hers versions of Tigger, Skunk, Firefighter, and Astronaut:
Making sexy versions of non-sexy characters like Tigger or Skunk invariably make sexiness cross into absurdity. However, sexing-up women's costumes of traditionally male careers, such as Firefighter or Astronaut, is another breed of animal. First, how could women realistically fight fires in a mini-skirt, garters, and fishnets or work in zero gravity in a mini-skirt and a top that low-cut? The answer is that they can't. And that speaks to deeper cultural beliefs about what women should and shouldn't do. Underlying sexy costumes such as these are sexist beliefs about a woman's place in society. Women taking on traditionally male roles is treated as absurd in itself, and the only way to make it okay is to sexualize it. This reinforces beliefs that we're primarily sexual objects and that we don't belong in certain careers or positions of power unless we're there to support men.
So far, we've only looked at sexy costumes for women, but men have a few choices as well: the Breathalizer (Get it? You "blow" into that straw between his legs), the One Night Stand, and the Pimp (Parents -- make sure to teach your sons early that women are "hos" to exploit for money and status!):
But it's not all just harmless fun. Even child characters in fairy tales have been made into sexed-up costumes for women, e.g., Sexy Little Red Riding Hood, Sexy Goldilocks, and Sexy Alice in Wonderland. (See more examples here).
In addition to fairy tale characters, here are a few other ways for women to dress up as sexy little girls -- the Sexy Girl Scout, the Sexy Schoolgirl, and the Sexy Baby (WTF is wrong with people?!):
What's so troubling about these costumes is that:
"... [M]any of the 'sexy' costumes are highly sexualized versions of characters who are supposed to be little girls ... The fact that many women dress up as sexy little girls points to both the sexualization of female children and the infantilization of adult women."The sexualization of girls teaches them early on that their value lies in their appearance, their bodies, and their sexuality. The American Psychological Association found that sexualization damages girls' feelings of self-worth, impairs their mental functioning, and contributes to eating disorders. In other words, it fucks girls up. The infantilization of adult women reinforces attitudes that women should be treated as naive, dependent, and incapable of making intelligent decisions or holding leadership roles. In other words, it fucks women over. Another disturbing trend in sexy costumes is linking sexuality with violence. Here are some creepy sexy costumes, such as female versions of horror movie serial killers -- Sexy Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Sexy Jason (Friday the 13th), and Sexy Michael Myers (Halloween). I guess the Sexy Body Bag (seriously, who comes up with this shit?!) fits in here as well :/ :
Of course, many Halloween costumes are intended to be frightening or gory, but turning a male horror movie killer that often targets scantily-clad female victims into a scantily-clad female horror movie killer has some interesting connotations. Horror movie killers tend to murder (punish) the sexually open "whores" early on, while the good girl "virgins" often escape (reward). Underlying the sexy female killer is a misogynistic fear of female sexuality and power -- it threatens conservative social attitudes about women owning our sexuality and our bodies. It also sparks our own conflicted feelings about sexuality or our insecurities about other women being competition or threats. Since all of these fears are uncomfortable, they must be buried or "killed".
Clearly, there are lots of "sexy" costumes for women, but those for men are a bit different. This Tumblr page has tons of examples of the same costume idea, but different versions for him and her. The differences are quite striking when you look at them side-by-side. His costumes are typically silly, while hers are always sexy. Here are his-and-hers versions of Tigger, Skunk, Firefighter, and Astronaut:
Making sexy versions of non-sexy characters like Tigger or Skunk invariably make sexiness cross into absurdity. However, sexing-up women's costumes of traditionally male careers, such as Firefighter or Astronaut, is another breed of animal. First, how could women realistically fight fires in a mini-skirt, garters, and fishnets or work in zero gravity in a mini-skirt and a top that low-cut? The answer is that they can't. And that speaks to deeper cultural beliefs about what women should and shouldn't do. Underlying sexy costumes such as these are sexist beliefs about a woman's place in society. Women taking on traditionally male roles is treated as absurd in itself, and the only way to make it okay is to sexualize it. This reinforces beliefs that we're primarily sexual objects and that we don't belong in certain careers or positions of power unless we're there to support men.
So far, we've only looked at sexy costumes for women, but men have a few choices as well: the Breathalizer (Get it? You "blow" into that straw between his legs), the One Night Stand, and the Pimp (Parents -- make sure to teach your sons early that women are "hos" to exploit for money and status!):
There's obviously a discrepancy between men's and women's sexy costumes:
"... [W]hen women go sexy for Halloween, it usually means being seen as a sex object for others. When men go sexy, it means joking about how men should be sexually serviced, have access to one night stands, or being in charge of and profiting from women’s bodies. A different type of 'sexy' entirely."That's it. I'm skipping Halloween. These are all just too scary for me. :/
Rape Prevention Poster
I've seen this rape prevention poster with the added commentary circulating around social media lately. I decided to fix it.
OK Cupid
My cousin just had this lovely exchange with a guy on OK Cupid. She said they had just started chatting. He first told her she was beautiful, she said thank you, she asked how his week was going ... and then this is how the conversation progressed.
She certainly dodged a douche. :/
Robin Williams
RIP Robin Williams (July 21, 1951 - August 11, 2014)
Teach Consent While They’re Young
"Little Boy Gets Rejected, Doesn't Understand Rejection And Gets Pushed Over By Little Girl": In this 2-min video, the little boy keeps going in for a hug and the little girl keeps pushing him away. Repeatedly. This would've been a perfect opportunity to teach the boy about consent and that no means no. Instead, the parents film this interaction for 2 minutes and post it to youtube. While they presumably find this "cute" or "humorous" behavior at 2 or 3 years old, it's teaching damaging lessons to both the little boy and the girl. This won't be so cute when they're older.
(I'd recommend muting the sound - it's just goofy, annoying music.)
Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou (April 4, 1928 - May 28, 2014)
This phenomenal woman truly showed that when beauty is inside, it shines outside too.
(Quote from Huffington Post)
(Quote from Huffington Post)
Adult Supervision?
A Facebook friend posted the original version, so I decided to fix it.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a renowned Nigerian novelist. She gave a powerful presentation at TEDxEuston entitled "We Should All Be Feminists". This is an excerpt from her speech:
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling discusses the controversy from the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) regarding a scene in the movie Blue Valentine in which his character performed oral sex on Michelle Williams' character. Due to this scene, the MPAA tried to give it an NC-17 rating instead of an R -- a rating which would spell death in theaters. The MPAA eventually backed down after pressure from the Weinstein Company (they purchased the indie film after it received buzz at the Sundance Film Festival). The quote below was part of an interview which inspired the popular "Feminist Ryan Gosling" "Hey girl" memes and resulting book.
Watch the interview here.
A Gay Vietnam Vet
Grave of Leonard Matlovich (1943-1988) -- Vietnam War veteran, race relations instructor, & recipient of the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star. From Wikipedia:
"Matlovich was the first gay service member to purposely out himself to the military to fight their ban on gays and perhaps the best-known gay man in America in the 1970s next to Harvey Milk. ... His tombstone, meant to be a memorial to all gay veterans, does not bear his name. It reads, 'When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.'"
You Don’t Have To Be Pretty
Read the full article here: A Dress A Day
Heroines of Sandy Hook
Victoria Soto (right) was a 27-year-old teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut. She hid her 1st grade students in cabinets and closets after hearing gunfire. When the shooter came to her classroom, she told him that her students were in the gym. He then killed her. This brave teacher sacrificed her own life to save the lives of her kids. Her courage and selflessness deserve to be remembered.
Kaitlin Roig, 29, (below) was another heroic teacher at Sandy Hook who saved her students by barricading them in a small bathroom and comforting them until help arrived. Fortunately, she and her students survived the attack.
Mr. Rogers
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." -- Mr. Rogers
Las Hermanas
"Las Hermanas/The Sisters" by Degadina. Note from the photographer:
"I met them again; this time, they were coming from the market where they sat on a bench and ate strawberries. When they left, they started holding hands and only then I photographed them."
Hallmark
This is a Hallmark birthday card for a young girl:
TEXT: "You're 13 today! If you had a rich boyfriend, he'd give you diamonds and rubies. Well, maybe next year you will - when you've bigger boobies!"
A woman in the UK posted a picture of it on Twitter. Over the next 6 hours, it was "re-tweeted, blogged about and posted across the Internet ... [until] Hallmark UK apologized for and pledged to stop selling the sexist card." The social pressure on Hallmark and their reaction is a great example of how speaking out about sexism matters!
Face Your Shadows
Face Your Shadows
Spencer’s Sexism Sucks
Men's t-shirts like these are sold in this store's "humor" section & feature the most incredibly witty phrases ever uttered by 14-year-old boys, including such gems as "Nice tits, too bad about your face" & "Hey slut let's fuck". Brilliant stuff, I tell ya. Especially the image below - "I have the dick, so I make the rules" - which was clearly inspired by GOP lawmakers.
Check out the rest here, if you can stomach it.
Hopes & Dreams
And golly, that casserole sure looks swell!
The Good Old Days, Revisited
When people start waxing poetic about the good old days of the 1950s, here's a little reality check. This appeared in the New York Daily Mirror: "If a Woman Needs it, Should She Be Spanked?" And here's what four fine Brooklyn men had to say ...
