Posts in category Sexuality
In 2090 …
I've recently seen this meme circulating around social media, so I decided to fix it. Having lost my beloved grandmother this past year, it gives me even more perspective. If I found a photo of her like the one on the right, I would be thinking, "Alright! You go, Grandma!" I would be excited to see the family resemblance, how we share a similar body shape or bone structure. I would be feeling connected to her and wondering what she was like as a younger woman. I certainly wouldn't be objectifying her or judging her attempt at trying to feel attractive. I wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed of her like this meme is implying a grandchild should feel.
It makes me sad that the ones I've seen sharing this meme are other women. Come on, ladies. We can do better than this. There's enough misogyny in the world. We don't need to participate in it ourselves. :(
Something else to consider for those who take issue with the photo on the right: in a society in which women are routinely objectified and treated as if our bodies are our most valuable attribute, is it any surprise that some of us might internalize that to a degree and just want to feel like we're one of the beautiful ones too?
Halloween IS Scary!
In the past several years, Halloween has morphed into something really scary. Not because of the blood and gore, creepy decorations, or traditionally spooky costumes, but because of how it reinforces the cultural narrative about women.
Halloween used to be the day when you could put on a disguise and pretend to be someone else for the night. For women, it could be a reprieve from the daily pressure to look thin, beautiful, and sexy. But instead of a day off from that pressure, Halloween is now a day to amp it up. Nearly every option for women is a sexy take on a traditional costume, from fetishized caricatures from porn to the totally absurd, such as the Sexy Hamburger, the Sexy Crayon, the Sexy Skittles, the Sexy Sponge Bob, and the Sexy Nemo (the clown fish from Finding Nemo). I just ... I ... have no words:
But it's not all just harmless fun. Even child characters in fairy tales have been made into sexed-up costumes for women, e.g., Sexy Little Red Riding Hood, Sexy Goldilocks, and Sexy Alice in Wonderland. (See more examples here).
In addition to fairy tale characters, here are a few other ways for women to dress up as sexy little girls -- the Sexy Girl Scout, the Sexy Schoolgirl, and the Sexy Baby (WTF is wrong with people?!):
What's so troubling about these costumes is that:
Of course, many Halloween costumes are intended to be frightening or gory, but turning a male horror movie killer that often targets scantily-clad female victims into a scantily-clad female horror movie killer has some interesting connotations. Horror movie killers tend to murder (punish) the sexually open "whores" early on, while the good girl "virgins" often escape (reward). Underlying the sexy female killer is a misogynistic fear of female sexuality and power -- it threatens conservative social attitudes about women owning our sexuality and our bodies. It also sparks our own conflicted feelings about sexuality or our insecurities about other women being competition or threats. Since all of these fears are uncomfortable, they must be buried or "killed".
Clearly, there are lots of "sexy" costumes for women, but those for men are a bit different. This Tumblr page has tons of examples of the same costume idea, but different versions for him and her. The differences are quite striking when you look at them side-by-side. His costumes are typically silly, while hers are always sexy. Here are his-and-hers versions of Tigger, Skunk, Firefighter, and Astronaut:
Making sexy versions of non-sexy characters like Tigger or Skunk invariably make sexiness cross into absurdity. However, sexing-up women's costumes of traditionally male careers, such as Firefighter or Astronaut, is another breed of animal. First, how could women realistically fight fires in a mini-skirt, garters, and fishnets or work in zero gravity in a mini-skirt and a top that low-cut? The answer is that they can't. And that speaks to deeper cultural beliefs about what women should and shouldn't do. Underlying sexy costumes such as these are sexist beliefs about a woman's place in society. Women taking on traditionally male roles is treated as absurd in itself, and the only way to make it okay is to sexualize it. This reinforces beliefs that we're primarily sexual objects and that we don't belong in certain careers or positions of power unless we're there to support men.
So far, we've only looked at sexy costumes for women, but men have a few choices as well: the Breathalizer (Get it? You "blow" into that straw between his legs), the One Night Stand, and the Pimp (Parents -- make sure to teach your sons early that women are "hos" to exploit for money and status!):
But it's not all just harmless fun. Even child characters in fairy tales have been made into sexed-up costumes for women, e.g., Sexy Little Red Riding Hood, Sexy Goldilocks, and Sexy Alice in Wonderland. (See more examples here).
In addition to fairy tale characters, here are a few other ways for women to dress up as sexy little girls -- the Sexy Girl Scout, the Sexy Schoolgirl, and the Sexy Baby (WTF is wrong with people?!):
What's so troubling about these costumes is that:
"... [M]any of the 'sexy' costumes are highly sexualized versions of characters who are supposed to be little girls ... The fact that many women dress up as sexy little girls points to both the sexualization of female children and the infantilization of adult women."The sexualization of girls teaches them early on that their value lies in their appearance, their bodies, and their sexuality. The American Psychological Association found that sexualization damages girls' feelings of self-worth, impairs their mental functioning, and contributes to eating disorders. In other words, it fucks girls up. The infantilization of adult women reinforces attitudes that women should be treated as naive, dependent, and incapable of making intelligent decisions or holding leadership roles. In other words, it fucks women over. Another disturbing trend in sexy costumes is linking sexuality with violence. Here are some creepy sexy costumes, such as female versions of horror movie serial killers -- Sexy Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Sexy Jason (Friday the 13th), and Sexy Michael Myers (Halloween). I guess the Sexy Body Bag (seriously, who comes up with this shit?!) fits in here as well :/ :
Of course, many Halloween costumes are intended to be frightening or gory, but turning a male horror movie killer that often targets scantily-clad female victims into a scantily-clad female horror movie killer has some interesting connotations. Horror movie killers tend to murder (punish) the sexually open "whores" early on, while the good girl "virgins" often escape (reward). Underlying the sexy female killer is a misogynistic fear of female sexuality and power -- it threatens conservative social attitudes about women owning our sexuality and our bodies. It also sparks our own conflicted feelings about sexuality or our insecurities about other women being competition or threats. Since all of these fears are uncomfortable, they must be buried or "killed".
Clearly, there are lots of "sexy" costumes for women, but those for men are a bit different. This Tumblr page has tons of examples of the same costume idea, but different versions for him and her. The differences are quite striking when you look at them side-by-side. His costumes are typically silly, while hers are always sexy. Here are his-and-hers versions of Tigger, Skunk, Firefighter, and Astronaut:
Making sexy versions of non-sexy characters like Tigger or Skunk invariably make sexiness cross into absurdity. However, sexing-up women's costumes of traditionally male careers, such as Firefighter or Astronaut, is another breed of animal. First, how could women realistically fight fires in a mini-skirt, garters, and fishnets or work in zero gravity in a mini-skirt and a top that low-cut? The answer is that they can't. And that speaks to deeper cultural beliefs about what women should and shouldn't do. Underlying sexy costumes such as these are sexist beliefs about a woman's place in society. Women taking on traditionally male roles is treated as absurd in itself, and the only way to make it okay is to sexualize it. This reinforces beliefs that we're primarily sexual objects and that we don't belong in certain careers or positions of power unless we're there to support men.
So far, we've only looked at sexy costumes for women, but men have a few choices as well: the Breathalizer (Get it? You "blow" into that straw between his legs), the One Night Stand, and the Pimp (Parents -- make sure to teach your sons early that women are "hos" to exploit for money and status!):
There's obviously a discrepancy between men's and women's sexy costumes:
"... [W]hen women go sexy for Halloween, it usually means being seen as a sex object for others. When men go sexy, it means joking about how men should be sexually serviced, have access to one night stands, or being in charge of and profiting from women’s bodies. A different type of 'sexy' entirely."That's it. I'm skipping Halloween. These are all just too scary for me. :/
D.H. Lawrence
Here's an old school response to sexism that unfortunately is still relevant today.
"A lost D.H. Lawrence essay in which the famed author issued a major takedown to a misogynistic contemporary has been found in a library in New Zealand."
Lawrence was the author of classic novels such as Lady Chatterley's Lover and Women in Love. Regarding the newly-discovered essay:
"Lawrence wrote the piece some time in late 1923 or early 1924 in response to an essay published in Adelphi, a literary magazine ... That essay, which ran under the byline 'JHR,' was a viciously misogynistic treatise called 'The Ugliness of Women.' Its author argued that 'in every woman born there is a seed of terrible, unmentionable evil: evil such as man — a simple creature for all his passions and lusts — could never dream of in the most horrible of nightmares, could never conceive in imagination. ... No doubt, the evil growth is derived from Eve, who certainly did or thought something wicked beyond words.'"
Here's an excerpt of Lawrence's enlightened response:
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a renowned Nigerian novelist. She gave a powerful presentation at TEDxEuston entitled "We Should All Be Feminists". This is an excerpt from her speech:
A Woman’s Declaration of Independence
It’s time to declare independence, to separate ourselves from the bad habits, the stifling expectations, and the negative messages that no longer serve us (assuming they ever did).
It’s time to declare independence from media messages that tell us we’re ugly if we don’t look like the “flawless” images of celebrities on the screen and in the magazines. It’s time to stop buying into the manipulation and stop wasting time trying to chase an illusion that doesn’t even exist.
It’s time to declare independence from the belief that having the perfect body will make us worthy of love and respect. We’re already worthy of love and respect in the bodies we have now — no amount of weight loss or plastic surgery will increase our value.
It’s time to declare independence from dieting, from deprivation, from seeing food as the enemy. The American weight loss industry makes nearly $60 billion a year trying to convince us that we’re not good enough — if diets worked, would these companies be this profitable? It’s time to stop contributing to their false sense of hope.
It’s time to declare independence from body loathing, from looking at our bodies with disgust instead of love. It’s time to appreciate all of the amazing things they do for us — the jiggly arms that give great hugs, the flabby thighs that carry us through the park, the droopy breasts that fed a child, the wounded heart that still knows how to love, the exhausted brain that still manages to tell our lungs to breathe.
It’s time to declare independence from the oppressive labels of virgin or whore, straight or gay, feminine or masculine, and all the shades in between. Our number of sex partners do not define us. Our sexuality does not define us. Our gender identity does not define us. These traits can’t possibly define what kind of person we are or what’s in our hearts or our minds. Any attempt by others to claim otherwise is an attempt to control us, to police our behavior, and to shame us so that they don’t have to examine their own ignorance and fear.
It’s time to declare independence from the belief that women can bring sexual assault upon ourselves based on how provocatively we’re dressed, how flirty we act, or how drunk we get. The only ones responsible for rapists' behavior are rapists themselves. We have the right not to be blamed when others hurt us, and we have the right to feel safe in the world.
It’s time to declare independence from legislators who think the female body should be controlled by wealthy, middle-aged, white, Christian, conservative men. Our bodies belong to us — it’s time to declare our freedom to make our own decisions about them. Because if we cannot, then we are truly not equal citizens and this country is not as free it claims to be.
It’s time to declare independence from spending so much time, energy, and money trying to fit into someone else’s idea of who they think we should be. It’s time to put ourselves first, to focus on our own desires and do what we think is right. It’s time to trust our own instincts and make ourselves proud.
It’s time to declare independence from shame, from the belief that we’re not good enough, not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not clever enough, not sexy enough, not pure enough, not feminine enough, not worthy enough. It’s time to declare that we are already enough — that we are perfectly imperfect exactly as we are.
It’s time to declare our independence from any force that tries to hold us down — including those forces that limit us from within.
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling discusses the controversy from the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) regarding a scene in the movie Blue Valentine in which his character performed oral sex on Michelle Williams' character. Due to this scene, the MPAA tried to give it an NC-17 rating instead of an R -- a rating which would spell death in theaters. The MPAA eventually backed down after pressure from the Weinstein Company (they purchased the indie film after it received buzz at the Sundance Film Festival). The quote below was part of an interview which inspired the popular "Feminist Ryan Gosling" "Hey girl" memes and resulting book.
Watch the interview here.
A Gay Vietnam Vet
Grave of Leonard Matlovich (1943-1988) -- Vietnam War veteran, race relations instructor, & recipient of the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star. From Wikipedia:
"Matlovich was the first gay service member to purposely out himself to the military to fight their ban on gays and perhaps the best-known gay man in America in the 1970s next to Harvey Milk. ... His tombstone, meant to be a memorial to all gay veterans, does not bear his name. It reads, 'When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.'"
Not All I Am
... nor will I allow others to treat me as if this is all I am:
- - a uterus
- - a collection of body parts
- - a vagina
- - a piece of ass
- - a pair of tits
- - a victim
- - public property
- - a virgin
- - a whore
- - a "before" photo
- - a body to legislate
- - a sexual object
Spencer’s Sexism Sucks
Men's t-shirts like these are sold in this store's "humor" section & feature the most incredibly witty phrases ever uttered by 14-year-old boys, including such gems as "Nice tits, too bad about your face" & "Hey slut let's fuck". Brilliant stuff, I tell ya. Especially the image below - "I have the dick, so I make the rules" - which was clearly inspired by GOP lawmakers.
Check out the rest here, if you can stomach it.
Ashley Judd
(Fyi - "inter alia" means "among other things")
Trollops
Chicago, 1922: These women were arrested for wearing one-piece bathing suits that revealed too much leg. What trollops.
Half the Sky
"Half the Sky" is a new documentary on PBS which "... introduces women and girls who are living under some of the most difficult circumstances imaginable — and [who are] fighting bravely to change them."
Read more about the woman in the photo, Rebecca Lolosoli.
Lighter
Here are two 4-letter words I'd say about dating guys who'd have this lighter: FUCK THAT.
It’s a Nipple, Not a Pepperoni
A talented Maryland tattoo artist has made a name for himself as an expert in a valuable niche. Vinnie Myers started out tattooing fellow soldiers in Army boot camp, but has since devoted his business to helping breast cancer survivors. These customers are looking for more than a cool new piece of artwork to decorate their bodies -- these are women who just want to feel whole again:
"[Vinnie] has perfected the three-dimensional nipple tattoo, restoring a final mark of femininity to at least three women a day, who have come from as far as Saudi Arabia and Brazil to Vinnie's Tattoo Parlor ... 'The industry standard has always been draw a circle where the nipple should be and color it in,' Vinnie said. 'When I first started doing it, I said to myself: Why should I do a tattoo of a nipple and make it look like a pepperoni, when I can make it look like a nipple?'"
What keeps Vinnie's work from looking like pepperoni is his attention to detail:
"Vinnie took a peach-colored Sharpie and drew concentric circles where the areola, the dark area around the nipple, and the nipple itself ought to be. First on her right breast, then her left. ...
Vinnie first tattooed in the lines of the two circles, then started shading the areola, making his way to the nipple itself. He also took special care to do what are called Montgomery Glands, the little raised dots in the areola.
Creating a three-dimensional image, the appearance of a raised nipple, is all about using light, shadow, and color to create illusion. This is what distinguishes a gifted artist."
Vinnie has helped hundreds of women feel normal again after losing their breasts to save their lives. His artistic talents enable his customers to see what look like "healthy normal breasts, with fabulous nipples."
"About 290,000 women will get diagnosed with breast cancer this year. About 50,000 will get reconstructive surgery, and 90 percent of those get some sort of areola. But it can be unsatisfying, with no image of a nipple. Furthermore, says Vinnie, surgeons often use vegetable-based dyes that fade quickly."
Although insurance companies will cover the cost of nipple/areola reconstruction, it's often difficult for a patient to collect without a fight. Fortunately, Vinnie charges only $400 for his services, which makes the cost less financially restrictive for women who've already fought enough.
Check out Vinnie's website with several before-and-after photos of his work. NSFW, for obvious reasons.
The Scariest Halloween Costumes of All
In the past several years, Halloween has morphed into something really scary -- scary enough to make some of us want to scream. But not because of the blood and gore, creepy decorations, or traditionally spooky costumes.
Halloween used to be the day when you could put on a disguise and pretend to be someone else for the night. For women, it could be a reprieve from the daily pressure to look thin, beautiful, and sexy. But instead of a day off from that pressure, Halloween is now a day to amp it up. Nearly every option for women is a sexy take on a traditional costume, from fetishized caricatures from porn to the totally absurd, such as the Sexy Hamburger, the Sexy Crayon, the Sexy Skittles, the Sexy Sponge Bob, and the Sexy Nemo (the clown fish from Finding Nemo). I just ... I ... have no words:
But it's not all just harmless fun. Even child characters in fairy tales have been made into sexed-up costumes for women, e.g., Sexy Little Red Riding Hood, Sexy Goldilocks, and Sexy Alice in Wonderland. (See more examples here).
In addition to fairy tale characters, here are a few other ways for women to dress up as sexy little girls -- the Sexy Girl Scout, the Sexy Schoolgirl, and the Sexy Baby (WTF is wrong with people?!):
What's so troubling about these costumes is that:
"... [M]any of the 'sexy' costumes are highly sexualized versions of characters who are supposed to be little girls ... The fact that many women dress up as sexy little girls points to both the sexualization of female children and the infantilization of adult women."
The sexualization of girls teaches them early on that their value lies in their appearance, their bodies, and their sexuality. The American Psychological Association found that sexualization damages girls' feelings of self-worth, impairs their mental functioning, and contributes to eating disorders. In other words, it fucks girls up. The infantilization of adult women reinforces attitudes that women should be treated as naive, dependent, and incapable of making intelligent decisions or holding leadership roles. In other words, it fucks women over.
Another disturbing trend in sexy costumes is linking sexuality with violence. Here are some creepy sexy costumes, such as female versions of horror movie serial killers -- Sexy Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Sexy Jason (Friday the 13th), and Sexy Michael Myers (Halloween). I guess the Sexy Body Bag (seriously, who comes up with this shit?!) fits in here as well :/ :
Of course, many Halloween costumes are intended to be frightening or gory, but turning a male horror movie killer that often targets scantily-clad female victims into a scantily-clad female horror movie killer has some interesting connotations. Horror movie killers tend to murder (punish) the sexually open "whores" early on, while the good girl "virgins" often escape (reward). Underlying the sexy female killer is a misogynistic fear of female sexuality and power -- it threatens conservative social attitudes about women owning our sexuality and our bodies. It also sparks our own conflicted feelings about sexuality or our insecurities about other women being competition or threats. Since all of these fears are uncomfortable, they must be buried or "killed".
Clearly, there are lots of "sexy" costumes for women, but those for men are a bit different. This Tumblr page has tons of examples of the same costume idea, but different versions for him and her. The differences are quite striking when you look at them side-by-side. His costumes are typically silly, while hers are always sexy. Here are his-and-hers versions of Tigger, Skunk, Firefighter, and Astronaut:
Making sexy versions of non-sexy characters like Tigger or Skunk invariably make sexiness cross into absurdity. However, sexing-up women's costumes of traditionally male careers, such as Firefighter or Astronaut, is another breed of animal. First, how could women realistically fight fires in a mini-skirt, garters, and fishnets or work in zero gravity in a mini-skirt and a top that low-cut? The answer is that they can't. And that speaks to deeper cultural beliefs about what women can and can't do. Underlying sexy costumes such as these are sexist beliefs about a woman's role. This reinforces beliefs that we're primarily sexual objects and that we don't belong in certain careers or positions of power unless we're there to support men.
So far, we've only looked at sexy costumes for women, but men have a few choices as well: the Breathalizer (Get it? You "blow" into that straw between his legs), the One Night Stand, and the Pimp (Parents -- make sure to teach your sons early that by treating women like hos, they'll be rewarded with money and status!):
There's obviously a discrepancy between men's and women's sexy costumes:
"... [W]hen women go sexy for Halloween, it usually means being seen as a sex object for others. When men go sexy, it means joking about how men should be sexually serviced, have access to one night stands, or being in charge of and profiting from women’s bodies. A different type of 'sexy' entirely."
That's it. I'm skipping Halloween. These are all just too scary for me. :/
Fifty Shades of Sexism
I've written previously about the negative impact of sexism in politics here and also in the article "Are You Voting for the Hot One, the Bitch, or the Mom?" Here's a recent example of how women also perpetuate this sexism.
During New York Senate debates, moderator Liz Benjamin — a reporter from YNN from NY1 -- actually asked female Senate candidates Kirsten Gillibrand and GOP challenger Wendy Long if they'd read Fifty Shades of Grey. WTF kind of question is that? And would a similar question ever have been asked if the candidates were male? "So Senator Bob & challenger Joe, tell me -- have you watched any Girls Gone Wild videos lately?" It would be absurd ... and just as absurd as asking these women about Fifty Shades of Grey.
By asking female political candidates such an inane question or focusing on their appearance, Research has shown that it damages the credibility of all women who try to run for political office or otherwise hold positions of power:
"[The] unfair treatment of women candidates is extremely detrimental to their campaigns ... [You can] identify sexism by using the reversibility test, which states that if terms are being used for women that wouldn’t be used for men, it is sexist. Would this question be asked if it had been a man standing at the podium? Why were these two professional and qualified women asked about a saucy romance novel? Not only did it unfairly trivialize an otherwise well-worded and intellectual match, but asking the candidates about such a sexually explicit novel is essentially asking them about their sexual interests. These comments lead the viewer to see these candidates in an unprofessional, inappropriate, and sexualized light—producing attitudes that gender stereotype and draw attention away from the issues at hand."
Watch the video here:
To Republican Friends
Pulitzer Prize & Tony Award-winning playwright Doug Wright's recent Facebook post to his Republican friends about gay rights. Love this!
When Gay is Okay
Somehow, they're able to rationalize their cognitive dissonance when it's two conventionally attractive women. :/ If you're not familiar with the term, cognitive dissonance is the tension between having two conflicting beliefs, such as being against homosexuality, but being turned on by lesbian porn. A person might feel uncomfortable having these conflicting feelings, so they'll try to rationalize it to make sense (e.g., attractive lesbians aren't as "bad" as less conventionally attractive lesbians or gay men).
Facebook’s 12 Year Old “Sluts”
In today's Depressing News of the Day, you may want to know (or not) that there's a Facebook page called “12 Year Old Sluts”. Fans of that page post pictures of young girls who dress or act "too sexy" or even post "sexy" pictures of themselves. You can imagine what happens next:
It features, among other jokes and memes, the kind of idiotic 'sexyface' pictures pre-teen girls take of themselves in the bathroom mirror. The founders of the page encourage their commentariat to 'put these sluts in their place,' with shame tactics that would make the meanest mean girls blush.
Wow -- let's go slut-shame some little girls. What upstanding, compassionate human beings we are. Why do sluts need to be put "in their place" in the first place? Well, it's partly because kids can be insecure little bullies. But it's also because they've somehow internalized that female sexuality is threatening and shame is a powerful tool to dampen it.
On the "12 Year Old Sluts" Facebook page, a less-conventionally attractive girl made the mistake of posting a picture of herself in the typical bathroom-mirror-camera-phone pose, and the insults came pouring in.
The crux of the problem for this girl ... is that she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one side, there is the crushing pressure to be sexually desirable. She is aware of this pressure even before she caves to it, and at a much younger age than adults would like to believe. ... On the other side, [she] knows that she loses the desirability game if she caves to the desires she has inspired. ... [She] intuitively understands that she loses hers if people think she’s too accessible.
We're damned if we're too sexy and damned if we're not sexy enough. It's a trap. So why would she post that picture then? Why would a girl put herself in the position of being publicly critiqued and ridiculed by cruel internet strangers? It's not unlike the reasons why teenage girls and adult women would post their pictures to websites like Hot or Not (feel free to Google it if you want, but I'd prefer not to give them the traffic), or hundreds if not thousands of other online forums. Many girls -- and women -- act in desperate ways in that elusive search for validation.
I still remember the name of the girl who gave the first blowjob in middle school. Minutes after it happened, her name had worked itself from one end of the building to the other. You can bet that no one gave two shits who was on the receiving end; he remained anonymous and she watched one afternoon’s adolescent experiment destroy the desirability she’d spent years cultivating.
As girls grow up, we learn that it's important to be pretty little princesses and to be sweet and nice to others. This teaches us that our value lies in our appearance and our ability to please. Boys learn to be tough, confident, but unemotional -- which of course has its own downside. It's incredibly unfair to teach girls that they're supposed to be pretty and pleasing, and then turn around and punish them for doing exactly that. Amanda Todd is a heartbreaking example of this. Amanda was a 15-year-old who some called a "slut" after topless pictures of her were made public by the GROWN MAN who flattered her into posting them for him. This asshole-who-deserves-to-be-in-jail stalked her and made true on his threat to share them with her peers after she wouldn't give the perv a "show". She ended up committing suicide due to the torment and bullying. If that weren't bad enough, the slut-shaming has continued after her death. The pressure to be sexy, the need to be admired, and shaming a girl for doing just that can have tragic consequences.
The wiggle room between the rock and the hard place—that sweet spot between being wanted and being respected—is all but non-existent. It is a sliver, a tiny wedge, the narrowest of alleys. Adult women spend years trying to find it, alternating between extremes, recalibrating, shooting for appreciation without denigration. Look at me, but not for too long. Want me, but don’t try so hard. Think that I’m beautiful, but know that I’m classy. But not too classy. Lady in the street, freak in the bed. You know the drill. ... But teenagers? Teenagers have it worst of all. Not only do the rock and the hard place still matter more than anything, but they have yet to fully develop the ability to scope out long-term ramifications. Their skins are still baby thin and easily pierced. They want to be noticed and ignored, be thought exceptional and average, all at the same time.
It's a balancing act between two extremes -- the respectable virgin and the unrespectable* whore. And it's all bullshit.
*I looked up "unrespectable" to make sure it was a word and here's the first response that popped up (you can't make this shit up):
respectable - characterized by socially or conventionally acceptable morals; 'a respectable woman'
Adj. 1. unrespectable- unworthy of respect
"A respectable woman". The problem isn't just one immature and mean Facebook page. You know there's a problem with society when even the dictionary is a slut-shamer.
Halloween for Boys vs. Girls
Halloween costumes for girls vs. Halloween costumes for boys ...
LGBT Suicide
Being LGBT is not a moral issue - it's simply how some of us are. Why is this so hard for some people to understand? Everyone deserves love. All the shaming, bullying, & judgments are killing people. That's the REAL moral issue.
“Moral Issue”
They'll pay for the erection, but not the protection. This ad is for a product that treats impotence. It's covered by (taxpayer-funded) Medicare and (employer-subsidized) insurance plans. Where's all the moral indignation and talk of religious beliefs now? Oh that's right -- it's only a moral issue when it has to do with female sexuality. A dick vacuum is a valid healthcare need, but not those slut pills.
Bitches Are Crazy!
Woman goes out on a pleasant date with a seemingly nice guy. Guy sends a text the next day, hinting at sex. She politely lets him know that she's not ready for a sexual relationship yet. The conversation quickly deteriorates, with him calling her "bitchy," "mean," and "crazy". Here's an excerpt from her open letter to him:
"You didn’t seem to think I was too bitchy, mean, or crazy literally 15 minutes earlier when you texted me saying you wanted to see me again. What changed? What changed is that I said something that you didn’t like. I told you, in response to a flirty-sounding text, that I wanted to take sexual stuff slowly. But it really doesn’t matter what I said, does it? I said something that you didn’t like. That made me 'bitchy,' 'mean' and 'crazy.'
... In our culture, 'crazy,' 'bitchy' and 'mean' are three of the worst words that you can call a woman. Those words you used are dismissive on purpose. Those words are intended to shut a woman down, because women know society doesn’t like mean, crazy bitches. Got the message loud and clear, sweetie."
But there's more to it. When a man calls a woman a "crazy bitch," not only does it dismiss her feelings, but it also alleviates his own feelings of rejection. Instead of confronting his insecurities, he'll defensively blame the woman and project onto her his "crazy" (i.e., confusing or embarrassing) emotions. She becomes the crazy one, while he's acting in a perfectly reasonable manner. And she's still the crazy one -- even if he gaslights her and instigates the "craziness." Certainly, it's possible for women to act "crazy" or "bitchy" at times, but these terms are used way more frequently to dismiss and silence us for speaking our minds or making a man feel uncomfortable.
The author of the article offers her former suitor a crash course in Communication for Grown-Ups:
"Now, this could just be my craziness coming out, but I have this radical idea that it might be easier to just listen to what a woman is saying, file those little bits of emotion away in your brain, and then make a thoughtful judgment call based on what she communicated. No one is saying you have to do what she asks. No one is even saying you have to stick around with her! But changing your own behavior to listen and — crazy, radical idea here again — communicating with her your thoughts might yield better results than writing off anyone who says something you don’t like ..."
That just seems crazy enough to work! Read the rest of the article here.
Virgin Auction
A 20-year-old Brazilian student plans to auction off her virginity to the highest bidder. Catarina Migliorini will be filmed for an Australian documentary called "Virgins Wanted". The money raised will be used to build homes for poverty-stricken families in Catarina's home town of Santa Catarina, Brazil. Here's the bidding history for the budding sexuality of Catarina from Santa Catarina:
So far, looks like Jack Miller is in the lead at $160,000! Go, Jack! ... uh ... I guess. By the way, a male virgin -- Alexander -- is also auctioning off his cherry. Poor Alexander's highest bid is just $1300 though.
(And to think I gave mine away for free to my manipulative loser of an ex-boyfriend. Maybe I could've put out and put it to better use?) :/
The encounter "will take place on an airplane flying between Australia and the United States, in a bid to circumvent prostitution laws." The mile-high club. How very clever. So, does that mean there's no law in the skies? In that case, I'm totally sneaking into first class next time I fly! You know, since I'd be in the air, I'll be able to circumvent those laws about having to pay for things.
Okay, back to the virgin auction -- let's weigh the pros and cons:
- Raising money for the poor = PRO
- Treating sex as a commodity = CON
- Reinforcing the fetishization of virginity = CON
- Exploiting the above for a movie = CON
- Doing it with a stranger, not of your choosing = CON
- Doing it in a cramped airplane = CON
Hmm, I'd have to say that the CONs definitely outweigh the PROs. For the sake of the poor families of Santa Cararina -- and for the sake of poor Catarina from Santa Catarina -- I hope the bidders are more generous than Jack Miller and his measly $160,000. :/
Read more here.
