Love Your Body (only if it looks good)

Every form of media reminds us that our bodies are not acceptable as is. Perfect female forms are used to decorate movies, magazines, music, makeup ads, and more. It’s hard to avoid seeing all those images and just as hard to avoid negatively comparing ourselves.
Thankfully, we women have empowering sites like this to balance that out. They even have a special “Love Your Body” section, dedicated to helping us, you know, love our bodies. Let’s check it out together, shall we?
Here’s a recent screenshot:

First of all, if I looked like the “Love Your Body” flexing girls at top, I’d probably love my body too. The rest of the page isn’t that bad though. I can get behind dressing in a way that best flatters my shape. By the way, it’s refreshing to see a photo of the not-stereotypically-perfect-looking Queen Latifah. Moving on … yes, hydrating oneself is good … and one can do this with Crystal Light Pure Fitness, apparently. (Question: if I turn my water into fitness water, will it turn my body into a fitness body?)
Scroll down to next screenshot:

First, we have “10 Healthy Things You Can Do In 10 Minutes.” Sounds good. Hold on now … what’s this? “Look Amazing By Next Monday” accompanied by a picture of stereotypically-hot-bikini-girl. What’s today? (checking calendar) Wednesday? Well crap – I’d better hurry up then! I’m pretty sure that no matter what I do though, there’s no way I’ll look like her by Monday. However, if I glance to the right, I find that there are 6 ways I can look amazing in just 48 hours. Well which is it?! Do I have 48 hours or until Monday to look amazing?! Someone please tell me! I need to know how much Crystal Light Pure Fitness I have to drink!!!
Scroll down again:

Now this is interesting. Just when we thought that hitting legal drinking age was the time of our beauty peak, a new survey finds that it actually occurs 10 years later. Good news – all that drinking has served us well! Next time someone tells me, “Looks like you’ve been partying a lot,” I’ll consider it a compliment! I appreciate the ethnically diverse photo of women who also seem to have partied a lot. And we move on to the next story … “5 Healthy Tips to Look Hot in 3 Days” … wait a second. WTF? I’m so confused! Do I have 48 hours, 3 days, or until Monday?! I won’t be able to sleep until I find out! This is driving me nuts! It’s enough to make me want to just jump off a bridge and forget it.
Scroll down yet again:

I give up.
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