Posts in category Beauty

Facebook’s 12 Year Old “Sluts”


In today's Depressing News of the Day, you may want to know (or not) that there's a Facebook page called “12 Year Old Sluts”. Fans of that page post pictures of young girls who dress or act "too sexy" or even post "sexy" pictures of themselves. You can imagine what happens next:

It features, among other jokes and memes, the kind of idiotic 'sexyface' pictures pre-teen girls take of themselves in the bathroom mirror. The founders of the page encourage their commentariat to 'put these sluts in their place,' with shame tactics that would make the meanest mean girls blush.


Wow -- let's go slut-shame some little girls. What upstanding, compassionate human beings we are. Why do sluts need to be put "in their place" in the first place? Well, it's partly because kids can be insecure little bullies. But it's also because they've somehow internalized that female sexuality is threatening and shame is a powerful tool to dampen it.


On the "12 Year Old Sluts" Facebook page, a less-conventionally attractive girl made the mistake of posting a picture of herself in the typical bathroom-mirror-camera-phone pose, and the insults came pouring in.

The crux of the problem for this girl ... is that she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one side, there is the crushing pressure to be sexually desirable. She is aware of this pressure even before she caves to it, and at a much younger age than adults would like to believe. ... On the other side, [she] knows that she loses the desirability game if she caves to the desires she has inspired. ... [She] intuitively understands that she loses hers if people think she’s too accessible.


We're damned if we're too sexy and damned if we're not sexy enough. It's a trap. So why would she post that picture then? Why would a girl put herself in the position of being publicly critiqued and ridiculed by cruel internet strangers? It's not unlike the reasons why teenage girls and adult women would post their pictures to websites like Hot or Not (feel free to Google it if you want, but I'd prefer not to give them the traffic), or hundreds if not thousands of other online forums. Many girls -- and women -- act in desperate ways in that elusive search for validation.

I still remember the name of the girl who gave the first blowjob in middle school. Minutes after it happened, her name had worked itself from one end of the building to the other. You can bet that no one gave two shits who was on the receiving end; he remained anonymous and she watched one afternoon’s adolescent experiment destroy the desirability she’d spent years cultivating. 

 

As girls grow up, we learn that it's important to be pretty little princesses and to be sweet and nice to others. This teaches us that our value lies in our appearance and our ability to please. Boys learn to be tough, confident, but unemotional -- which of course has its own downside. It's incredibly unfair to teach girls that they're supposed to be pretty and pleasing, and then turn around and punish them for doing exactly that. Amanda Todd is a heartbreaking example of this. Amanda was a 15-year-old who some called a "slut" after topless pictures of her were made public by the GROWN MAN who flattered her into posting them for him. This asshole-who-deserves-to-be-in-jail stalked her and made true on his threat to share them with her peers after she wouldn't give the perv a "show". She ended up committing suicide due to the torment and bullying. If that weren't bad enough, the slut-shaming has continued after her death. The pressure to be sexy, the need to be admired, and shaming a girl for doing just that can have tragic consequences.

The wiggle room between the rock and the hard place—that sweet spot between being wanted and being respected—is all but non-existent. It is a sliver, a tiny wedge, the narrowest of alleys. Adult women spend years trying to find it, alternating between extremes, recalibrating, shooting for appreciation without denigration. Look at me, but not for too long. Want me, but don’t try so hard. Think that I’m beautiful, but know that I’m classy. But not too classy. Lady in the street, freak in the bed. You know the drill. ... But teenagers? Teenagers have it worst of all. Not only do the rock and the hard place still matter more than anything, but they have yet to fully develop the ability to scope out long-term ramifications. Their skins are still baby thin and easily pierced. They want to be noticed and ignored, be thought exceptional and average, all at the same time.


It's a balancing act between two extremes -- the respectable virgin and the unrespectable* whore. And it's all bullshit.


*I looked up "unrespectable" to make sure it was a word and here's the first response that popped up (you can't make this shit up):

respectable - characterized by socially or conventionally acceptable morals; 'a respectable woman'

Adj. 1. unrespectable- unworthy of respect    


"A respectable woman". The problem isn't just one immature and mean Facebook page. You know there's a problem with society when even the dictionary is a slut-shamer.   


Pretty


Plastic Surgery & Misogyny

Former supermodel, Isabella Rossellini, on plastic surgery ...  

Feminist Cinderella

I also love sparkly things, jewelry, shopping, makeup, pink, & maxi-dresses!!! Actually, I just love wearing maxi-dresses because I don't have to shave ... I guess that makes me even more of a feminist then. ;P



Ugly Thoughts


From The Twits by Roald Dahl.


Even Her

 

Next time you fell a little insecure about your looks, remember this ...

   

Not Scarred on the Inside


Media Messages


Model Thin


Apparently, you can be too thin in the fashion world, but it isn't a matter of health. It has more to do with the aesthetics of showing lots of skin with a tad too much rib.

"[The magazine] Numéro, it seems, liked that [top model Karlie] Kloss was so thin but hated that her thinness made her bones more apparent. So in a have-your-cake kind of gesture, it made the bones disappear with Photoshop. ... We've become conditioned to expect perfected images of skinny, apparently boneless, smooth little girls in our magazines. In a certain way, we've come to rely on Photoshop to insulate us from the sharp reality of what maintaining an industry-approved fighting weight can do to a human body."

Read more at Jezebel.

The Problem Isn’t Your Body



Vicious Cycle


"While this won’t apply to everyone who enjoys wearing lots of makeup or who tans, I find that, for some people, they are already feeling the pressure of standards they cannot live up to. Makeup and tanning are a way of compensating. So, if we turn around then and call this woman a whore or a fake bitch (or whatever our insult of choice might be), we continue the process of victimizing her and degrading her body. We become a part of that vicious cycle." - Laci Green


   

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Objectified at Any Age


Recently, both Nicole Kidman & Celine Dion have posed topless for magazines. While there's nothing wrong with being sexy at any age, there is something wrong with how the media constantly objectify women's bodies (but only those bodies that fit the beauty ideal -- white, young, thin, etc.). Their ages matter because women in the media have an expiration date. Posing topless may be a way of extending the date, but it's only acceptable because both women still look young & sexy. It's not about celebrating beauty at any age, but rather, it's simply business as usual to minimize a woman's talents & instead put the focus on her body.
   

If Men Posed Like Women …

 

The media's treatment of women as sex objects is a ubiquitous fact of life. Advertisements, fashion spreads, comic books, movie posters -- nearly everywhere you look, women are shown in various stages of undress and posed in positions that make them look vulnerable, submissive, and sexually available. Conversely, men are depicted in positions of power or dominance, e.g., standing while a woman is reclining, being fully clothed while she's undressed, etc. These differences reinforce inequality between the sexes. Really, how powerful can a woman feel when she's half-naked and awkwardly contorted?

 

It's an interesting social experiment to see what happens when men are placed in these typical "female" poses.

The image below features two Vanity Fair covers: the top one with fully-clothed fashion designer Tom Ford, along with a nude Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johansson; and the bottom one is a Vanity Fair spoof of their own cover with a fully-clothed Paul Rudd and a pretend-nude Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Jason Segel. In a separate issue, Vanity Fair also did a photo spread with comedians Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Tina Fey, but posed them as typical sex objects. As Entertainment Weekly asks, would it be "... just as uproarious if some of those ladies vamped ironically in body stockings[?] ... Men being objectified is so silly as to be hilarious, but it’s better if funny women are also hot."

   

Here's a similar set of images showing nude female models huddled together and then one with the guys from the "Jackass" TV series and movies: 

 

The following "men-ups" were created by photographer Rion Sabean to parody classic pin-up poses. According to Rion, his work focuses on "... gender and sexuality, wherein I attempt to bring light to the scrutiny and judgments of a society that defines human beings under rigid, antiquated terms."

   

Artist Paul Richmond created a similar series from a gay male perspective. "I began the Cheesecake Boys series to rectify the inequalities in the underwear-flashing art genre known as pin-up," said Richmond.

 

 

Here's Richmond explaining how he came up with the concept, along with more examples of his work:

 

 

Fantasy author Jim Hines parodied women's poses on the covers of fantasy novels by trying to replicate the poses himself. (He also did a series posing like the men on romance novel covers). "... [M]ost of these covers are supposed to convey strong, sexy heroines, but these are not poses that suggest strength. You can’t fight from these stances. I could barely even walk," said Hines.

 

  

  Do these images look ridiculous? Silly? Maybe even homoerotic? Once men are placed in the same sexualized poses that women are traditionally seen in, it becomes clear how absurd -- and sexist -- these poses truly are.  

A Woman’s Declaration of Independence

The following is an excerpt from the upcoming book -- If Beauty Is inside, Why Do We Hate Our Guts?: Pop Culture, Sexism, & Body Image. Read the first chapter here.

 

It's time to declare independence, to separate ourselves from the bad habits, the stifling expectations, and the negative messages that no longer serve us (assuming they ever did).

 

It's time to declare independence from media messages that tell us we're ugly if we don't look like the "flawless" images of celebrities on the screen and in the magazines. It's time to stop buying into the manipulation and stop wasting time trying to chase an illusion that doesn't even exist.

 

It's time to declare independence from the belief that having the perfect body will make us worthy of love and respect. We're already worthy of love and respect in the bodies we have now -- no amount of weight loss or plastic surgery will increase our value.

 

It's time to declare independence from dieting, from deprivation, from seeing food as the enemy. The American weight loss industry makes nearly $60 billion a year trying to convince us that we're not good enough -- if diets worked, would they be this profitable? It's time to stop contributing to their false sense of hope.

 

It's time to declare independence from body loathing, from looking at our bodies with disgust instead of love. It's time to appreciate all of the amazing things they do for us -- the jiggly arms that give great hugs, the flabby thighs that carry us through the park, the droopy breasts that fed a child, the wounded heart that still knows how to love, the exhausted brain that still manages to tell our lungs to breathe.

 

It's time to declare independence from spending so much time, energy, and money trying to fit into someone else's idea of whom we should be. It's time to put ourselves first, to focus on our own desires and do what we want instead of what's expected of us. It's time to trust our instincts and become someone we're proud of. 

 

It's time to declare independence from shame, from the belief that we're not good enough, not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not clever enough, not sexy enough. It's time to declare that we are already enough -- that we are perfectly imperfect exactly as we are.

 

It's time to declare independence from the oppressive labels of virgin or whore, straight or gay. Our sexuality does not define us. It can't possibly define what kind of person we are or what's in our hearts or our minds. Any attempt by others to claim otherwise is an attempt to control us, to police our behavior, and to shame us so that they don't have to examine their own ignorance and fear.

 

It's time to declare independence from the belief that we can bring sexual assault upon ourselves based on how provocatively we're dressed, how flirty we act, or how drunk we get. The only person responsible for a rapist's behavior is the rapist himself. We have a right to feel safe in the world.

 

It's time to declare independence from legislators who think the female body should be controlled by wealthy, middle-aged, white, conservative men. Our bodies belong to us -- it's time to declare our freedom to make our own decisions about them. Because if we cannot, then we are truly not equal citizens and this country as not as free it claims to be.

 

It's time to declare our independence from any force that tries to hold us down -- especially those forces that limit us from within.

Life Lessons from my 95-Year-Old Grandma

My grandma just celebrated her 95th birthday. It's hard for me to believe her age, because she hasn't changed much since I was a kid. Sure, she repeats herself a little, but so do I after a few glasses of wine. She walks with a cane since a knee surgery a few years ago, but she'll still show you a few dance moves if you ask. She has fabulous skin, which she attributes to her vitamin E cream and "sleeping on my head" (i.e., on her back with a few pillows). She is so sweet but has a wicked sense of humor. When people ask her how she's doing, her answers are either, "Fine and dandy, sweet as sugar candy!" or "I'm doing them all, and the cute ones twice!" She's my little Jewish grandma who stands at least a foot shorter than me (I'm 5'5"). She often reminds people: "I might be small, but I'm mighty -- Mighty Mouse!" And she is -- she's the leader of the family, always there with advice and opinions, whether you want to hear them or not. (We usually do.)

 

My grandma was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania as the middle child of seven and now has just one sister left. She wanted to be a nurse when she was a girl, but she got married as a teenager and moved across the country to California and started a family instead. She and my grandfather owned several businesses, from a neighborhood market and sandwich counter in the heart of Los Angeles to a motel near the coast that catered to travelers and truckers. She and my grandpa raised four children and ran the family businesses together. To this day, she still answers the office phone and does some bookkeeping. She was never just the little woman. Like she says, she's mighty -- Mighty Mouse.

 

My grandma taught me to trust my instincts, to pause when I wasn't sure and listen to the voice inside. Her 95 years have provided her with a lot of wisdom, so I asked her if she could share a few things with my readers. Here's what she had to say:

 

On Love:

"Your grandfather always used to tell me, 'As long as I'm with you, I'm happy.' You need to have a man who cares. Couples should be thoughtful of each other. If you want respect, you have to give respect."

 

On Self-Esteem:

"If you're not for yourself, who shall be for you? You've got to have self-worth and confidence. You have to have respect for yourself."

 

On Beauty:

"Looks aren't everything -- it's how your mind works and your heart. Don't be jealous of the next person. Make the best of what you have."

 

On Equality:

"If a man tries to control a woman, he's being very thoughtless. He's being selfish, absolutely. Just because she's female doesn't mean he should be able to take charge. You can't let a man take advantage of you."

 

On a Woman's Right to Choose:

"You have to do what makes you happy. You have to decide on that yourself. They have to leave it up to the woman."

 

I love that my 95-year-old grandma's a feminist, whether she realizes it or not. She's loving, strong, witty, feisty, and wise. I hope to be like her when I grow up.

 

Purple Paper Project – Olay


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Purple Paper Project – Procter & Gamble

 

Minimizing the athletic abilities of female Olympic gold medal winners by focusing on their appearance ...

 

 

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Purple Paper Project – Crest


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Purple Paper Project – L’Oreal & Garnier



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Purple Paper Project – Pantene



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Purple Paper Project – Garnier Skin Renew



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Purple Paper Project – Spanx

(Thank you to E. for sending in this ad! :)


 

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Purple Paper Project – L’Oreal Magic Lumi



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Purple Paper Project – Sephora

 

 

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Purple Paper Project – Nivea



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Purple Paper Project – Snackwell’s



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Purple Paper Project – Dove Deodorant



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Purple Paper Project – L’Oreal Couleur Experte

 

 

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Purple Paper Project – Rimmel & Garnier


 

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Courage to be Real Campaign

 

 

This is me. Don't think for one second that posting a picture of myself with dirty hair, no makeup, and in unflattering lighting didn't take some ovaries! Like many women, I've struggled with not feeling pretty enough, thin enough, perfect enough. I'll be the first to admit that I think I look the best in the photo on the right. It's the photo I use on the back of my book and on the About Me page of this website. I am definitely a product of our beauty-obsessed culture. But this is also me sacrificing my vanity for the greater good. How can I talk about body acceptance and the need to fight against sexist and oppressive imagery if I'm not being real with myself? It takes courage to be real. So everyone, this is what I look like in the morning. Deal with it.

 

The media manufacture female insecurity for profit. They invent flaws in our appearance and pressure us to fix them. They segment the female body as if it were a bucket of chicken -- we're just legs and breasts and thighs. They convince us that our bodies are too meaty and fatty, our skin is too greasy, and our hair is too fried. They manipulate us with idealized images of hot chicks who were perfected by plastic surgeons, injectable facial fillers and paralyzers, professional photographers, makeup artists, special lighting, hair stylists, fashion designers, and finally photoshopping. And then we compare our real selves with this illusion. It's not a fair fight.

 

A woman's appearance is always treated as relevant. Tabloids critique female celebrities for gaining weight or having the "worst beach body". The Playmate of the Year is featured on the evening news. Political commentators assess female candidates' appearance almost as much as their political beliefs. We're trained to think that our sexuality is our primary source of power. I discuss this in my upcoming book, If Beauty Is Inside, Why Do We Hate Our Guts?: Pop Culture, Sexism, & Power. In the recent documentary Miss Representation, the filmmaker also examines how our culture's sexualization of women actually minimizes our power in society. Just think about it -- if the most powerful women in the country are reduced to their looks, how can any of us expect to be treated with respect?

 

It starts with respecting ourselves and having the courage to be real. We have to stop allowing the media to define us in such a superficial and demeaning way. When we pull back the curtain, we see that the sculpted and perfected illusion is just a real woman who has more in common with us than we think.

 

I wasn't exactly excited to share my naked face with the Internet, but I put together the above image so that you could see the reality behind the special effects. I'd love to see models and celebrities do the same, but their careers depend on them maintaining the illusion. So for now, maybe it'll just be up to us regular women. And that brings us to Beauty Is Inside's new "Courage to be Real" Campaign!

 

The "Courage to be Real" Campaign is about cracking the illusion of perfection that makes us hate our bodies and compete with each other. I challenge you to be courageous and send in "before and after" photos of yourselves, along with what was manipulated in the "after" photo. Send your photos to real@beautyisinside.com. I'll collect them all in a photo gallery on this site, and I'll also post them on the Beauty Is Inside Facebook page and on Twitter @_BeautyIsInside.

 

Come on -- if I did it, so can you! Together, we can inspire other women and girls to have the courage to be real themselves.

     

Purple Paper Proect – John Freida


 

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Purple Paper Project – Macy’s Hat

 


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Purple Paper Project – Poise Pads

 

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Purple Paper Project

 

I'm pleased to announce my new "ad campaign" -- introducing the "Purple Paper Project"! For this project, I'll be critiquing offensive advertising messages with the help of little purple papers and a little snark. Each new ad will be posted here on my blog, and I'll compile them together in the "Purple Paper Project" tab in the right sidebar.

 

We see about 3000 advertising messages everyday. Even when we're not paying attention, they're always in the background. Cumulatively, these messages affect how we feel about ourselves. In so many ways, they tell us we're too fat, our skin looks like crap, and our house is a mess. They teach us what society expects of us -- and how we're not measuring up. They play on our insecurities, and even invent new ones for us to obsess over (cankles, anyone?). But don't worry, because they're sure to have a product or service that can fix our "flaws"! How very convenient!

 

The more I started paying attention to these messages, the more I realized how manipulative, insulting, and sexist they were. And I also realized that I was buying right into them. Maybe I did need to lose weight, improve my skin, and clean my house more thoroughly.

 

Or maybe my weight, skin, and house were just fine the way they were.

 

Advertising is a one-way form of communication in which powerful corporations try to persuade us to spend our money by manipulating our insecurity. The "Purple Paper Project" is about turning this into a two-way conversation. Consumers have powerful voices too, and it's about time that we started talking back.

 

To kick this project off, here's an ad from Viva paper towels:

 

 

Who’s Hotter?

 

I recently posted an article about the image below, which is currently circulating around the Internet. As I mentioned in the previous post, this faux-empowerment message just ends up pitting thin girls against curvy girls, feeding the comparisons and competitions, and separating us all. As a result, we fight against each other instead of fighting against the beauty pressures that make us feel insecure in the first place. Here's the original image:

   

What's the next logical step?

   

and then what about this?

   

Haven't we all had enough? Isn't it about time that we move past the pettiness and start working together?

 

Real Women Have … Bodies

 

The other day, my friend shared this image on my Facebook wall. I'm sure she had good intentions, as did the creator. At first glance, it seems like a girl-power-feel-good-kind-of-message that challenges the pressure to be thin, similar to the "real women have curves" mantra made popular by the movie of the same name. It seems to be about women celebrating their curves, accepting their bodies, and not buying into the extreme dieting mentality.

 

But it's not. This image is about shaming thin women about their bodies under the guise of empowering heavier women. It's just the other side of the same coin.

 

What about women who are naturally thin? Or naturally not as curvy? Are they less hot? Are they not real women? Comparing is just one more way for us to separate ourselves.

 

Most of us struggle with our weight, so being in the public eye would most assuredly have an impact on how celebrities feel about their own bodies. Heidi Montag had 10 plastic surgeries so that she could look hot enough. Tabloid rumors have accused Nichole Ritchie and Keira Knightley of having eating disorders, and Kirsten Dunst was on the cover of Star Magazine for having one of the "worst beach bodies," so it's not as if any of them are being celebrated for their bodies at the moment. The media's pretty arbitrary anyway about what constitutes the hot-kind-of-thin vs. the anorexic-kind-of-thin. It's a fine line, and those celebrities who cross it are publicly shamed on tabloid covers. I'm sure Bettie, Shirley, Elizabeth, and Marilyn faced their share of scrutiny and pressure as well based upon the beauty standards of their time. Elizabeth Taylor, for one, suffered from both eating disorders and substance abuse. Considered by many to be the most beautiful woman in the world, she was once quoted as saying, "I don't like my voice. I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I move. I don't like the way I act. I mean, period. So, you know, I don't like myself."


Beauty is subjective. Others' opinions about us are irrelevant -- what matters most is how we see ourselves.

 

The body snarking, the gossipy headlines about who has anorexia or who's getting fat, the who's hotter comparisons -- these all promote the age-old competition to determine the fairest of them all. And eating disorders are part of this futile attempt to fit what society deems "hot".

 

There's value in simply being who we are, whether we're thin or fat or have curves or not. So, in response to the question: "When did this become hotter than this?", here's another question: Why do we have to cut someone else down to feel better about ourselves?

Warning …


 

Ugly Shade of White

I grew up in the suburbs of Southern California. Early on, I learned that there were subtle rules of what constituted an acceptable skin color in a primarily-white school. And these rules were separate from racial differences -- they were the rules about what white skin was supposed to look like. In my case, I was indeed white. The problem was that I was too white. I was Casper-white, glow-in-the-dark white, butt-white ... the ugly shade of white. To the other kids, my pale skin and dark hair contrasted in a bad way. Where I was from, you were supposed to contrast in a good way, meaning blonde hair and tan (but still white) skin. I got accused of being goth (that's like emo to those of you born a little later); I wasn't, but my corpse-like skin tone was what goth kids dreamed of. The popular kids regularly sneered that I should get a tan, and damn if I didn't try.

 

I desperately wanted to be tan, because tan = pretty. Over the years I tried everything. I wore coffee-colored pantyhose under skirts and even shorts(!) on 90-degree days. I sunned myself on towels in my parents' weed-covered backyard. I over-baked in tanning beds until I got bulb-burn-stripes down my body. I broiled in the Acapulco sun like a crustacean on a BBQ until my bright red legs made standing so excruciating that I had to seek medical help. (As I was basting myself with the 0-SPF coconut oil I bought from a beach vendor, a passing woman stopped to tell me how beautiful my light skin was. How ironic.) No matter what method I tried, my skin only managed to turn from white to pink to red. And then ultimately to freckles. I just hope that I won’t develop skin cancer due to my efforts.

 

I've since given up on achieving that sun-kissed look. The sun never even hugged me, no matter how hard I chased. Apparently, he was just not that into me. He always made promises like a big tease, and then ended up burning me over and over again. Trust me -- the sun's not that hot. Even if he fulfills his promise of a glowing tan, you'd better get yourself checked out. No one wants to bring home an outbreak of melanoma. Since I kicked the sun to the clouds, I use alternative methods of tanning. I now slather or spray stinky-smelling and streaky tanning shit. Or I just wear pants or a maxi-dress. (And that way, I don't even have to shave.)

 

It hurt to be judged for being too white, and I absorbed the criticisms as much as I did the damaging rays. No girl wants to feel ugly.

Women all across the skin color spectrum are affected by beauty standards. These standards come from both the dominant culture, as well as from each minority group within. In the Hispanic culture, skin that's "too dark" isn't generally considered attractive. Darker skin indicates more Indigenous blood than the preferable Spanish European blood. I've heard several people comment about the good-looking gueros (light-skinned males and females). I've heard women gossip about their friend's new baby: "Mira la morenita, la pobrecita" (Look at the little dark one, the poor thing). The telenovelas (soap operas) popular on Spanish television channels primarily feature light-skinned actors. Skin color doesn't just matter outside of their community -- it also matters within.

In the soon-to-be-released documentary, "Dark Girls," the filmmakers examine how attitudes about skin color affect women. They focused on dark-skinned African-American women, but as I watched the preview below, I could empathize with the self-disdain. One woman talks about how she felt about her skin as a little girl: "I can remember being in the bathtub asking my mom to put bleach in the water so that my skin would be lighter and so that I could escape the feelings I had about not being as beautiful, as acceptable, as lovable."

 

We can't control how others treat us, but we can control the way we treat ourselves. Why do we keep trying to find ways to separate and judge ourselves? I was teased about being too white, so I learned to view my white skin with disdain. It's sad enough that darker-skinned minorities are discriminated against by whites based on skin color, but even sadder that some would do the same to themselves. Please note that I am not saying that being "too white" is at all comparable to the racism experienced by people for being "too dark." The only aspect I'm comparing pertains to beauty standards. Clearly, there is a long and painful history of racism and discrimination in our country. What I can relate to is how it felt to be a little girl who thought she wasn't pretty enough because her peers judged her based on an arbitrary rule about the amount of melanin in her skin. If I could've added self-tanner to my bathwater as a kid, I would've done it.

 

It's heartbreaking to think that an innocent little girl would feel so ugly that she'd want to add bleach -- or self-tanner -- to her bathwater. But it's also a reminder of how we as women don't need others to hold us down. After awhile, we learn to do it to ourselves.

   

Chasing the Deep

 

The media teach us

that our primary goals as women

should be weight loss and the pursuit of beauty,

and this is particularly true of celebrities.

--

Maybe it's time for us all to stop chasing pavements

in that direction

and instead,

start rolling in the deeper goals.

   

  Original Quote: "I love food and hate exercise," she laughs. "I don't have time to work out. Go buy my record; then I'll be able to lose weight. I actually don't care. I don't want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue. I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Q. I'm not a trend-setter -- I'm a singer. I never want to be known for anything else. I'd rather weigh a ton and make an amazing album then look like Nicole Richie and do a shit album. My aim in life is never to be skinny." -- Adele    

The Ass Is Always Leaner …

 

Beauty Magazines Make Us Feel Ugly

 

In a recent study, researchers found that 100% of women felt bad about their appearance after looking at beauty magazines for just a few minutes. From one of the authors: “Surprisingly, we found that weight was not a factor. Viewing these pictures was just bad for everyone,” said Laurie Mintz, associate professor of education, school and counseling psychology in the MU College of Education. “It had been thought that women who are heavier feel worse than a thinner woman after viewing pictures of the thin ideal in the mass media. The study results do not support that theory."

 

I happened upon this brilliant way of fighting back. This was part of a campaign by the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) in Canada that targeted beauty magazines. From NEDIC's website: "To involve the public in our campaign, this transit shelter ad appeals to dieters and those who feel the pressure to diet (virtually all women), empowering them with a way to really shed their weight problem."

   

 

Close-up:

 
 

Text at bottom of display:

"Recent studies confirm reading beauty magazines makes us feel fat."

 

 

Another study demonstrated "... the role of the media in shaping, rather than merely reflecting, societal perceptions of the female body. Consistent with our hypothesis, it was found that women's body image satisfaction is, indeed, influenced by their exposure to the thin ideal presented in fashion magazines."

 

(Want more? Here's one of my previous posts on this topic.)

Strike a Pose

 

June's issue of Vogue Italia (NSFW due to some nudity) offered a refreshing break from the typical images of female perfection plastered over every fashion and beauty magazine. This issue, entitled Belle Vere or "True Beauty," featured "plus-size" models both on the cover and in a photo spread. As is the case in the media, plus-size means average-size in real life. I don't know the statistics in Italy, but the average American woman is 5’4” and weighs 165 pounds. A woman this size would most certainly be plus-size in the modeling world, and it would be quite uncommon for a magazine to have her gracing its cover, at least in the United States.

We don't get to see many images in the media that resemble what most of us look like, unless they're "before" photos. Although the women in this issue of Vogue don't fit the media ideal in terms of body size, they still look beautiful and glamorous, because they had the same model treatment that the typical cover girls get.

Even the women who are typically on the covers of magazines don’t jump out of bed looking as flawless as they seem to be in the photos. Why should we hold ourselves to a higher standard? We’re so used to comparing our real-life mirror images with the media ideal. But it’s not a fair fight. Those images were created with the help of hair stylists, makeup artists, fashion stylists, good lighting, designer backgrounds, professional photographers, and photo retouchers. We can get a similar effect if we use the same tricks they use, regardless of our weight or whether we have personal trainers, chefs, or plastic surgery.

Here’s an experiment: go to a salon and get your hair and makeup done. Dress up in beautiful clothes that fit and flatter (take advantage of supportive undergarments that lift things up and suck things in). Next, get professional headshots taken or ask an amateur photographer friend to snap photos of you. Take hundreds of pictures in lighting that glows and in poses that flatter. Out of the hundreds of photos, choose the few that capture you at your best. Then, have those photos retouched.

This is a chance to see yourself in that same idealized light that you’re used to seeing other women. It's a good reminder that we don’t have to be perfect to be pleased with our reflections -- we can all look flawless given the right tools.

I Take it Personally

It's quite rare for advertising to celebrate women's extra curves. Sure, Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty" uses a variety of women in their ads to show that different bodies can be beautiful. But as I mentioned in a previous post, their parent company, Unilever, contradicts itself with sexist Axe ads geared toward men. Olay's recent slogan was "Love the skin you're in," but their ads still photoshopped all of the pores, age spots, wrinkles, cellulite, and zits out of the skin their models were in.

 

In 1997, The Body Shop launched an ad campaign with the image below to inspire women to accept their bodies. I remember being excited as the store even handed out stickers with this image. Unfortunately, the ad soon disappeared after Mattel threatened to sue over the unauthorized use of Barbie's likeness. Unlike most companies that sell beauty products, The Body Shop hasn't relied on idealized images of women to sell their face creams, body butters, and lip gloss. They have a history of being a socially responsible company that supports humanitarian and environmental causes. Their ad was a refreshing break from all of the other media messages that pressure women to look perfect.

 
“It’s the image of the beauty business that’s damaging to women.  When you damage, you take away her self-esteem, and self-esteem is not a wishy-washy subject.  It is the route to revolution, it is a route to self-knowledge, self-worth, it is a route to political activism, it is a route to say, ‘Stand up and matter!’ and to say, ‘I take this personally.’  That should be the mantra [of every woman] – ‘I take it personally.’  I take what you say about us, I take how you interpret us, I take how you think you can sell to us – I take it personally.” --Anita Roddick (1942-2007), founder of The Body Shop

She is Beauty

 

Tall, striking

Perfectly thin

Elegant

Ideal.

Sexy, child-size clothing

Barely covers

Breasts

Disproportionate to

Fat-free thighs

And soft, gentle curves

Of ribs, prominently displayed.

Beautiful, thick hair

Glued at the scalp

Frames a flawless face

Etched in fine marble

Expressionless, void

Of unappealing character lines.

Teeth capped in pearls

To hide bile's erosion.

Twenty years old --

Over the hill in five more.

She is who we

Aspire to be.

She is beauty.

Flaw-Free Face

Beauty Is the Pits

 

Step aside, cankles! There's a new body part to hate!

Raise your hand if you know what it is. Raise your hand if you're sure. Now turn your head toward that raised arm.

That's right, ladies -- your armpits are hideous. They're hairy, they're smelly, and they're ugly. But don't fall into a pit of despair.

Fortunately Unilever, the makers of Dove®, have a solution! Dove's new "Go Sleeveless" deodorant claims to make a woman's armpits more attractive in just five days! Hear that, ladies? In a little bit, your pit can be the shit!

As Stephen Colbert states in this clip from the Colbert Report, "One of the secrets of sales is fulfilling the public's need. The other secret is inventing the public's need."

 

 

Incidentally, Unilever is the same company that developed the Dove® "Campaign for Real Beauty" a few years ago that featured "real women" instead of models in its ads as a way to counter sexist media imagery. Unilever also owns the Axe® line of mens' products whose ads feature the same sexist imagery that Dove® is allegedly fighting against. This site shows one of the videos put out by the Dove® campaign, along with a brilliantly re-edited video that juxtaposes it with ads by Axe®.

As Colbert says, "If there's one sure way to financial security, it's inventing women's insecurity."

Newsstand by Me

What should a woman’s day consist of? More importantly, what is a woman’s true essence? According to magazines, we should aim for glamour and allure, as these are what will offer us the most value in life. Psychology today tries to put us in touch with the self. It tells us that we’re wired to look to our parents and our family circles for details about navigating the world, or simply our town and country. They teach us that being a woman requires us to look pretty and have good housekeeping skills. If our mothers jones for cellulite prevention and physical perfection, chances are that we will too. They ready us for the beauty and fashion magazines to reinforce this notion by taking over as both car and driver. They make our vanity fair game.
Magazines offer highlights into how our lives can be lucky as long as we take the right road and track. To them, this means being in style, in vogue, much like a cosmopolitan New Yorker would be. It means being in shape like Ms. Muscle and Fitness and perpetually seventeen years old. It means being a sassy mademoiselle. It means being thin and beautiful enough to deserve a playboy* who will offer us food and wine, travel and leisure, better homes and gardens, and the big O in his penthouse* – maybe even turn us into brides. This is supposedly the dream written about in each Saturday evening post in any ladies’ home journal and every wish upon a star.
But it’s all a mirage. Magazines waste so much of our time with mindless entertainment weekly, monthly, and daily. The popular science of marketing ensures they make smart money with the advertising age, striving for consumer reports that signify people are letting the ads in magazines and TV guide them in their purchases. And we readers digest it all.
The maxim* that you can’t believe everything you see is true. It’s real simple – magazines offer spin. From across the nation, from the Atlantic to the Pacific, there are thousands of women who are mad about the endless pressure to look perfect. We need to stand up and bitch, to say it’s not OK, because seriously, the stuff* we put up with is just bazaar.
(* Don't worry -- these link to Wikipedia pages, so they're SFW.)

You Will Never Be Merely Pretty

“[This is] about women who will prowl over 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but who haven’t a clue how to find fulfillment or how to wear joy …”


This performance made me a new fan of slam poetry. With passion and power, Katie Makkai summarizes our collective obsession with being pretty enough. I have to admit that she brought tears to my eyes. As a fellow poet who also wants to be pretty, I found her performance truly inspiring. For those of you pretty-seeking non-poets, you may very well find that it inspires you too.
Pretty amazing.

Love Your Body (only if it looks good)

Every form of media reminds us that our bodies are not acceptable as is. Perfect female forms are used to decorate movies, magazines, music, makeup ads, and more. It’s hard to avoid seeing all those images and just as hard to avoid negatively comparing ourselves.
Thankfully, we women have empowering sites like this to balance that out. They even have a special “Love Your Body” section, dedicated to helping us, you know, love our bodies. Let’s check it out together, shall we?
Here’s a recent screenshot:

First of all, if I looked like the “Love Your Body” flexing girls at top, I’d probably love my body too. The rest of the page isn’t that bad though. I can get behind dressing in a way that best flatters my shape. By the way, it’s refreshing to see a photo of the not-stereotypically-perfect-looking Queen Latifah. Moving on … yes, hydrating oneself is good … and one can do this with Crystal Light Pure Fitness, apparently. (Question: if I turn my water into fitness water, will it turn my body into a fitness body?)
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First, we have “10 Healthy Things You Can Do In 10 Minutes.” Sounds good. Hold on now … what’s this? “Look Amazing By Next Monday” accompanied by a picture of stereotypically-hot-bikini-girl. What’s today? (checking calendar) Wednesday? Well crap – I’d better hurry up then! I’m pretty sure that no matter what I do though, there’s no way I’ll look like her by Monday. However, if I glance to the right, I find that there are 6 ways I can look amazing in just 48 hours. Well which is it?! Do I have 48 hours or until Monday to look amazing?! Someone please tell me! I need to know how much Crystal Light Pure Fitness I have to drink!!!
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Now this is interesting. Just when we thought that hitting legal drinking age was the time of our beauty peak, a new survey finds that it actually occurs 10 years later. Good news – all that drinking has served us well! Next time someone tells me, “Looks like you’ve been partying a lot,” I’ll consider it a compliment! I appreciate the ethnically diverse photo of women who also seem to have partied a lot. And we move on to the next story … “5 Healthy Tips to Look Hot in 3 Days” … wait a second. WTF? I’m so confused! Do I have 48 hours, 3 days, or until Monday?! I won’t be able to sleep until I find out! This is driving me nuts! It’s enough to make me want to just jump off a bridge and forget it.
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I give up.
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